Employed (and Women)

Oh, yes. It has finally happened. Almost 18 excruciating months in the making. I am now employed, as an auditor, in a Big Four. Oh yeaaaah!! Do I make you horny, babe!? Do I!?
You know, I’m probably the only idiot in the world to get so excited on being an auditor. Arguably one of the dullest jobs one could ever have and yet I felt like Tom Cruise on Oprah when I first heard the news. It was 5.37 pm on a Friday, May the 5th. It was raining and I just got into my car, which was parked in a lot off Jalan Yap Kwan Seng, and I was all drenched Ah, what a lovely day that was.

Personally, I see this is as not as just a job offer, per se. It’s like a form of recognition. It’s a way of the established organization saying to you, hey, we think you’re good enough. Come and join us to move forward. It’s quite flattering, really. Actually, it was more than that. It was almost an honour. Especially if it’s coming from a huge organization and to me, Deloitte is certainly one of the biggest (although the carpeting at the office might suggest otherwise). And apart from that, it provides me with a new lease on life. For starters I could finally write in the ‘Occupation’ box when I’m filling in forms other than just ‘student’ and my monthly income would no longer has to be in the region of 'below RM1000'. I could unsubscribe to JobsDB and JobStreet. I do not have to wait and go through religiously the Saturday edition of The Star. My parents would finally stop asking me rhetorical questions which includes the word ‘job’ in them. My father would stop asking me ‘why’ and my mother would stop comparing me with my cousin or her boss’ daughter’s friend’s other twin. And soon when the pay starts to accumulate, the good days will return. I can dine at Chili’s, Ciao, Chandelier or even at the Ritz-Carlton. I can drink expensive coffees, watch Actorlympics and go out on flamboyant dates. (sniff)Oh I am so happy I’m crying.

But hold your horses. There are some things that I have to forego upon undertaking this employment thingy. First is time. I used to have loads of them. Sometimes too much. Fetching the mail from the mailbox can be a significant moment in a day. Nowadays, I only open them 3 days later (if it’s important). And it’s only May for God’s sake! It’s supposed to be an off-peak period and here I am lumbering home at night with only enough energy left to bring my soddy ass to bed. It must be that I getting too fat because the job is not that demanding (yet). But the saddest part of all was leaving BITS.

BITS stands for Banking Industry Training Scheme and it’s a 5-months course held at Institute of Bankers Malaysia (IBBM). It’s an English communication skills course targeted for unemployed graduates so they are at least articulately competent when they enter into the banking industry once they graduate from the course. Yes, fine, whatever. I joined simply because I wanted to do something useful while doing my part-time ACCA classes. This one starts at 9 and ends at 4. Loads of break time in between and half-day on Fridays. Plus, they’re paying me 600 quid to learn English. So, I thought, why not? I entered with an intention to treat it nothing more than as a side dish. But my arrogance took a lesson merely 2 weeks into the course. It turned out I enjoyed it.

Basically, the BITS students’ main highlight on a day to day basis was just attending it. And since it’s just simple material, really and with hardly no stress involved, it ended up being like going back to kindergarten all over again. Just that we’re all 20-something people with Bachelor Degrees. Practically, the main agenda everyday is simply having fun. Which brings me to Kat.

Ah, yes, Kat. I get to sit next to her about a month into BITS due to a relocation of our class. I sat with someone else before that (not worth mentioning). So, we got to know each other and somehow we never looked back. Of all the people, I enjoy talking to her the most because she’s the only who’s ever heard of Nicholas Sparks and understood all my sarcastic comments. Inevitably, of course, we came quite close. Albeit her naughty demeanor that I have to put up with every single day. When I returned the call from Deloitte’s HR Department to confirm my job offer on Monday, she was sitting right next to me. When I hung up and began punching the air in true victory style, I turned to look at her surprisingly genuine shocked expression and it somehow seemed unreal. “Kau dah nak pegi?” she asked, half-heartedly, as the slight tremble of her voice trailed off. I just nodded, feeling guilty to feel joyous while she was contemplating with the sudden news of my imminent departure from BITS. For the first time, I could sense she was not kidding. There was no sudden burst of laughter. Just genuine sadness. It melted my heart. Then she asked for all the details such as what’s the job, when would I start, where my office would be, etc. I filled her in. Fortunately though, I still had a whole week to kill before heading off to my new job. So it was not all that sudden. A long slow farewell, befitting the best student in class (excuse me for bragging). There was another student who was quite on par with me in class but she left earlier for IBM. Jessy stayed about 2 months and although she got the legs, I got the charm, and I stayed longer, hence better remembered. However, Friday was Wesak Day so my whole week was actually until Thursday. Well, Thursday afternoon because I had to go pick up my offer letter that afternoon. So, after lunch I shook everyone’s hand and bid them adieu. Somehow, in the midst of all this commotion, Kat managed to reserve herself away until the last minute. But not quite too because in the end, she made me wait for her until she finishes her Zohor prayers. A drama queen till the last moment. When she finally reappears, there was that look again. The look which says, “I’m happy that you’re leaving for something better but I’m sad that you’re leaving me,” I must admit, I felt a little heartache myself. I extended my hand and took hers in mine. Then I pulled her towards me and hugged her. It was a sad déjà vu because just 4 days earlier Aritha had left me too for Chennai. Probably to mingle with Aishwarya Rai. Losing two of my angels in such a short space of time. Only the memory of how the warmth of her body felt helped me overcome this grief of separation.

But all that drama turned out to be too melodramatic because just a few days later I was assigned to a client place which was located 2 building blocks away from IBBM. So I parked at my usual place and stopped by to see the guys on my way to work. I was welcomed with open arms, naturally. It felt like I never left. What can I say? They all love me. It’s the same with Kat. We acted like nothing happened. But I was over joyous though. Seeing her again felt so reassuring. It was no until the week after that I think we really began to miss each other because she’s been SMSing me practically everyday since and I was more than happy to reply to every one of them. She even called me up last Friday just to share what’s been going on with the class since I left. I had my hands full with work then but there was no way I was going to turn down the call. Ah good times.

Haih, enough about Kat. Let’s talk about Najua. Oh yes, the now single-though-I’m-not-quite-sure-available-but-definitely-hot Najua. When I was at KLIA to bid Aritha adieu for her Indian stint, she (Aritha) and Sasa talked about how they are glad that she finally broke off with her ex (they both were Najua’s housemates at UTP, y’see). They say he didn’t deserve her and she is better off with someone else. Then, somehow one of them, I couldn’t remember whether it was Aritha or Sasa, came up with the suggestion that I should try have a chance with Najua. It sounded so compelling at first but then Sasa retracted, saying that “maybe Faizad shouldn’t” and left the statement hanging. Aritha inabjectedly continued the unsaid thought, “because Faizad tak layak?” Sasa just giggled. Now, I didn’t know whether that was an insult to me or a compliment to Najua. Probably a bit of both. But there are no hard feelings because I know I don’t deserve Najua. Apart from height she outclasses me in every department. Both Aritha and Sasa pointed out that Najua is such a motherly figure and what a good cook she is and not to mention her love and care goes beyond than what is normally expected. I, on the other hand, am a slob with a remote and a TV in front of him and the only thing I can conjure in the kitchen if it has the word ‘instant’ on the packaging. But that doesn’t mean I should give up on Najua entirely. Besides, she and I are on good terms, contrary to popular belief. Every boy could afford a Toyota or a Honda one way or the other but he always has that inkling feeling for a Porsche. But there’s a snag though. Someone else is currently taking the Porsche out for little drives around town during the weekends. He hasn’t own it yet but the Porsche seems to like the company of this 39 year old mat saleh (ooh maybe I shouldn’t have said that, ah fuck it). But the Porsche’s friend, the S2000 aka Marina Hani aka Sandra Oh seems to think otherwise and trying to convince everyone than it’s more than just rental. The Porsche consequently admitted that maybe, just maybe, that she could be owned by the mat saleh in 5 years time. 5 years time!? You trippin’? In 5 years time she is going to go out of production and the dude belongs in a junkyard. But hey, it’s just my opinion. Besides that, there’s another snag. The Jag XK-Kat? Now that one is currently owned. Not such a good scenario, is it? Somehow all this feel so familiar….

In a totally unrelated news, guess what Ity bought me for my birthday? A chick lit book titled Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner. 5 months late considering I was born in January but hey, better late than never. And God help me that this will be my only chick lit material to be registered under my possession. Surprisingly though, I quite enjoy reading it. It’s a bit like Desperate Housewives Season 1. A mysterious death in a quiet little suburbia. But unlike Teri Hatcher’s clumsiness, the witty humour actually works. Anyway, Ity’s birthday just passed last May. I’ve got until October to figure out what to give her in return. Maybe some red lingerie. Some whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries…