Friday, February 16, 2007

Tempting Fate

Seriously. I was ready. Maybe not 100% confident but I was ready. Was it my fault that she took the day off? Hey, it was beyond my control. Now, we’ll never know what would’ve happened, do we? (Whew!) Not that I’m relieved or anything. I’m…I’m angry okay? I’m disappointed, frustrated, crushed because I did prepare myself, I really did. Now, we’ll have to wait another day. If that day should ever come. My SASOB genes have prevailed, yet again.

But, no worries. In a few moments, I’ll be driving off, leaving behind the city to travel up north. Way up north to the island called Langkawi. Now this is a relief. I really do need a time off. But time off with the boys doesn’t actually involve relaxing down by the pool or taking walks along the beach. Wait, we did take a walk along the beach last time. But that was all in the interest of looking out for hot chicks running around in their swimsuits. Not that I really need to tell you but no luck then either. But it’ll be different this time. I don’t know how but it will be.

So, dear fellow readers. Enjoy your holidays. Get out. Talk to some friends. Make it a sin for you to stay at home. It will make your time more worthwhile. You know I’m right.

That’s it folks. I’m off with my beemer who I have yet to name. I’m thinking of Bethany but that doesn’t sound slutty enough. Well, au revoir.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine's Is Here Again

I have returned to the scene. Sounds kind of morbid, doesn’t it? But actually, I haven’t thought about it when I first decided to come here. It just hit me a while ago. My intentions, originally, was to look for some inspiration, as a cure for writer’s block, which I think I’m currently suffering from. Think about it. One post for the whole of January? I mean, what a pathetic rate is that? Even Ronaldo has a better scoring rate in the same period of time. Okay, maybe not but you get my point. So, here I am back at Starbucks KLCC, and blogging. Believe me, if this one ever gets posted, consider this experimental exercise a success.

It’s slightly past 6 in the evening, people are leaving from work and it’s the 13th of February. That’s right – it’s Valentine’s eve. You know what? I don’t why I give such a damn about February 14th. Actually, I do have a good guess but it’s kind of embarrassing to admit it here but anyway, I mean, it’s not that I have any good experience when it comes to Valentine’s – ever. Well, maybe once when I managed to woo Eiwa to Teluk Batik for dinner by the sea under the stars and bright moonlight. But even that was on the 15th. I suppose technically, that doesn’t count. But somehow, every time I take a look at my scantily clad ladies of a calendar (courtesy of FHM), the date February 14th always just pops out. Teasingly, demands constant attention. So, here we are, year 2007, reminiscing, again, about Valentine’s Day.

Before anything else, let me just say that I have no plans whatsoever for tomorrow. I’d like to but no. So, yes, tomorrow looks very promising indeed. Thumbs up. And no, we will not be talking about love in this particular post. You have Jennifer Weiner and Hugh Grant for that (this is in no way undermining the talents of both Jennifer and Hugh. I really do think they are both exceptional at what they do. And they’re funny. You don’t dismiss funny people). But here, we are a bit more rational. So, we’re going to talk about the next best thing, and probably the only thing in this blog since its conception. That is, women.

I, for one, am not an expert on this subject, but then again, what man is? As in the words of Harith Iskander from Sepet, “I’ll never understand women. Even if I live to be a hundred.” Well said, Mr Harith. So, if you’re expecting meaningful advice, we’re not Dr Phil either. We can give you tips though. Theoretical tips. Although, we are in no uncertain terms can guarantee you the success in using them.

What we can, and will do, is just talk, and ponder, and complain, and in the end, come to no absolute conclusion. Which in that lies, may I point out, what makes it all worthwhile and quite simply enjoyable. Which brings us, finally and exhaustively, to our topic of the day – picking up women from places that usually people don’t pick up women from.

Let me point out that I am not about to reveal the secrets behind picking up women from places that people don’t usually pick up women from. Those are the kinds of articles you can find in men’s magazines. Here is just a corny blog. And corny blogs just throws more questions rather than answers. And the question is, as you may have guessed, is how. How do you really pick up women from places that people don’t usually pick up women from? Okay, let me first give an example of the kind of places that I mean. For starters, how about the cold storage section of a supermarket? I mean, you’re there, at Carrefour, for example, and you’re picking out Kraft cheese slices when you notice this amazing looking woman beside you. You realize that you only have a split-second window of an opportunity and you need to say something quick that would sound charming and give a good impression or she would just slip away. In that sudden intense moment, what do you say? “Got milk?” That would sound stupid, if not offensive.

How about when you’re queuing for a movie ticket? And you have this vivacious young woman standing in front of you. No, make that standing behind you. And you just notice her because she had this wonderful perfume on. What do you say? “Excuse me. Sorry to bother you but I couldn’t make up my mind on what to watch. May I ask you what you’ll be watching?” Wait a minute. That’s actually not half bad. But, point being, some people just have an instinctive way of starting conversations with hot beautiful strangers. These are usually the ones who say, “Just go talk to her,” when they notice you’re eyeing someone. Of course, those kinds of situations rarely end favourably for people like me, the ones who couldn’t possibly start a conversation on a whim with Jessica Alba look-alikes. Or as a friend of mine has eloquently have created the term SASOB, which concerns an entirely whole different topic.

Question unanswered, let’s raise another one. Why am I suddenly discussing this? Well, that’s probably the most interesting part so far. Real life interconnection, of course.

Some of you would probably remember the time I talked about this lovely looking girl who was working at the ticket counter at GSC 1 Utama. Up to this day I still couldn’t decide what are the best words to say to her that would make her even considering letting me have her number or taking her out for a drink. And not to mention the people who were lining up behind me. Talk about pressure and time constraint. The best one I could think so far is “Tickets for [movie] please for us and your phone number for me,” Even that doesn’t sound convincing enough. Of course, this was many months back. I haven’t seen her for a ling time now. But recently, a similar case had popped up. This time it’s a girl working at Video Ezy at, well, here at Suria. She’s one of those girls who would come up to those people who were rummaging through the cases of VCDs/DVDs, forehead wrinkled looking for that elusive particular title, and offer her assistance. That was how I first met her. I was looking for Chasing Amy and when turn to look at the person for who voiced “May I help you, sir,” for a brief moment, words were stuck in my throat. Standing before me was a girl that I could only describe as hot and adorable at the same time. Slightly brown hair, big eyes, fair skin, epic tits (Jude Law, Closer).

“Chasing Amy,” I finally said to her, referring to the movie title that she would try to help me find.
“Kissing Amy?” her response made me stood in awe as the word ‘kiss’ began to trigger impure thoughts running through my mind.
“No, no. Chasing Amy,” as I repeated slowly, slightly stammering.
“Oh Chasing Amy,” as she began to scatter to the counter to check the title using the store’s computerized system. At that point I was almost certain she would return with a negative answer since it is a rare title but, bloody fuck, what a face and body. When she did return to tell me the inevitable answer, I thanked her for her efforts and purposely linger around the store just to have a longer look at her. At one point, I even pretended to be interested in the Special Interest section (fishing, golf, hip-hop workout) since that was the best position that I can look at her without being too obvious. After hanging around for far too long for a customer who in the end didn’t buy anything, I left, thinking that sooner or later I should do something about this, or the opportunity would slip away. And today, without shame, I once again stalked her. This time from across the store. I stood against the railing in front of Wizshop as she intermittently came and disappear into view as she wandered around the store. And after more conducive consideration while writing this post, I have decided to actually do something tomorrow. Wow, did that come as too bold? Well, at least I’ll try. Damn, just thinking about it just makes my heart pound. I am finally having a go against my SASOB genes. Be a loser I shall be no more. Of course, typing is so much easier than doing it. But having an objective is at least something. All I have to do is to figure out something nice to say and not stammer while saying it. Who am I kidding? Of course I’ll stammer tomorrow. But fret not, confidence. Confidence is all I need. Besides, it’ll be Valentine’s tomorrow. If there’s any day that a woman wishes to be picked up by a stranger from anywhere it’s tomorrow. So, tomorrow promises to be a very interesting day now doesn’t it? Huh,so much for no plans on Valentine’s Day.

Now, updates.

My birthday party was a bang. Charlene and Michelle couldn’t make it but we had fun nevertheless. I did have a Charlene and Michelle substitute although not Hugh Hefner-esque but definitely Page 3 material. Seriously, it was more that I could hope for. It made me very happy. And Jes was absolutely fantastic in providing us her place. I tell you, her Westin nest is simply delightful. And to think that she’ll be staying there until July and waking up every morning in her Heavenly Bed, I mean, I could only envy her. As for food, nothing lavish as I had originally planned. Lavish, you see, doesn’t come in practical form. There’s lavish, practical and extremely expensive and so not worth it but lavish and practical? No. A mythical concept. As for the cake? Guess what? Secret Recipe. Reason for that? Well, there’s just no other cakes like the ones that Secret Recipe makes. A variety of choices is one thing and have you ever realized how huge their cakes are? I mean, we are so used to them that we forgot one of the main reason we like them so much in the first place. It’s their sheer size. It dwarves the cakes from other bakeries. Even from the proper bakeries like Baker’s Cottage and Angel Cake House. So, who am I to argue? Viva capitalists. And for the record, there were no leftovers of the Black Forest cake. Proof of success. Well, not until the next morning, that is. So, thank you, again, Jes, and all the rest who attended. And thank you for the gifts.

In other news, I have finally sported a new handphone after years of daydreaming. It’s the Motorola KRZR K1 and it’s incredibly sexy. My pride and joy. And as for my ride, I am now driving an E36 – a 1994 BMW 3 Series, dark blue in colour. And without a stereo. A common trait with Valerie. Along with the colour. Speaking about Valerie, don’t worry, she’s still around. So there are now 5 cars parked around my home every night. Well, 4 cars and 1 4x4. An Accord, a Spectra, a Celica, an E36 and a Pajero. People must think we are too rich for our own good.

From the outside, I look pretty successful don’t I? 25 and driving around in a BMW. Oh how looks can be deceiving. Nevertheless, my fellow SASOB are pretty much excited about my beemer and have decided to elect it as the official vehicle to Kuala Kedah this CNY for our Langkawi trip Part II. Oh yes, the return of the wannabe beach boys and all night partying. Hell, I’m still young to have some good time. And, if everything works out well enough for the next few months, the much anticipated trip to Bali. It was pretty hectic the first time at Langkawi. God knows what will happen at Bali. But potentially exciting nevertheless.

So, let’s see, hot girl at video store and the Langkawi trip. Well, looks like I’m done. Happy Chinese New Year and a very sexy Valentine’s Day to all. To V-Day skeptics, don’t worry, Valentine’s is overrated anyway. Good night and cheers.