Thursday, June 29, 2006


This happened last Friday. Since we (the Deloitte audit team) were working so hard (to their standards), the client decided to treat us to lunch. Of course we agreed-lah kan? I was so excited because for one, I could save a few bucks from not having to buy my own lunch and two, if a client wants to treat you out for some dining, it is usually something fancy. But my high hopes were sent crashing to the ground the moment Mr. Chang, the company’s accountant, started saying, “We’ll go for something healthy,” Uh-oh. Even from my not so spectacular culinary experiences, I know for a fact that anything ‘healthy’ never tastes good. “I think we’ll go for sushi,” he added. Oh bloody fuckin’ hell! Sushi? That’s gonna be my treat of the day? Oh come on! Just fuckin-tastic. It’s not that I have anything against sushi but I just don’t get the concept. Sushi doesn’t appeal to me. I’d like to think myself more of a carnivore. A meat-eater. Gimme some steaks and roasted lambs and I’ll never say no. You see, this is what you get when the man treating you for lunch has the body physique of Peter Crouch. Healthy food and sushi. Pfft! You think if someone like, say Diego Maradona, was the one in charge, would he suggest something docile like sushi? No. He’d take you out for roast chickens and barbequed ribs with excessive sauce. There’d be music and some sexy senoritas would be jiggling their hips at the side of the table. And Diego would have some illegal Cuban cigars courtesy of his friend Fidel at the side. Now that would have been some party. But back to reality….

So there I was at the table, feeling as awkward as one could be, reading the menu but having no idea what to order. I scanned everything looking for something that I’m most unlikely to throw up within 15 minutes of attempted digestion. Luckily, Sushi King does serve chicken. When in moment of doubt, always go for the chicken – it’s the safest bet. I ordered something called Piri-piri Chicken. I don’t know what ‘piri-piri’ means but from the visual aid it looks edible enough for me.

When my meal arrived I finally understood why Mr. Chang calls it a healthy meal. I got the piri-piri chicken (I presume), a bowl of miso soup, some steamed rice, some peas and cube carrots, a small bowl of egg custard and a mini bottle of cultured milk. And I was thinking, man, I bet a single roti canai could offer a whole lot of calories than this entire meal I just ordered.

The chicken was nice enough (whew!), complements rather well with the rice and mixed vegetables (but seriously, it felt like eating dinner at home. I mean, what’s the point of eating out anyway if you can get exactly what you normally get at home? Aye-aye) but everything went downhill after that. I never tried miso soup before but after this I’d probably never try it again. It just tastes terrible. It tasted like sweetened rust particles. And the egg custard? Oh goodness gracious. I would have thought that despite all, the egg custard would make the most sense. I mean, how could you possible screw egg custard? But they did. From what I perceive as a simple and modest recipe, they somehow managed to foul it all up. It was bland, tasteless and dry. It doesn’t look or felt dry but just tasted so. I just ate a spoonful. Swallowing it with much agony. The only reprieve is the small bottle of milk. In the end I just felt relieved I had my Vitagen like drink and sucking on the straw like a six year old.

What a terrible experience. Funny thing was, I felt full. Not full-full but just right full. Incidentally, I wasn’t sleepy like I usually am in the office afterwards after a heavy lunch. I guess there is some sense in taking healthy food. But truthfully though, my taste buds were never actually satisfied. That sushi thing just made my appetite for a hot steaming pizza grew even more.

Sushi King
Service: 3/5
Ambience: 3/5
Food: I'd rather eat sand
Reason to return: I would kill the next person who even suggest the name Sushi King again to me. Seriously.

P/S: This is a biased opinion. However, to all sushi lovers, your criticisms will be duly ignored and very unlikely to change the author's views on sushis. So sod off! Arigato kuzaimas.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Cheesy Monday

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the song of the day.
Music, please…

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart

Man, like that's the song I had to listen to on my way to Puchong. If there was an award for the cheesiest song of the century, you can be sure Total Eclipse of the Heart will be among the top 3.
Damn, y’all, what a nasty Monday today was. Who do they have to put Brazil and France playing on the same night? Worse still, Monday morning. You know I can’t resist that. As a result, I really got the Monday morning blues. Talk about sleep deprivation. You know you got it bad when putting your face against a wall seems a good idea to get a nap. Even my hot senior who usually is my source of motivation to get to work this past week or so just looked, err, uneventful.

Have you seen The Omen? I haven’t but it’s been getting poor reviews both from the press and my peers. It’s certainly disappointing though because I did saw the original movie and it was the first Hollywood horror movie I ever saw. I was probably 8 or 9 at that time and it scared the bejesus out of me. I never understood the storyline back then. all I knew was that the kid was Satan’s child and he can do nasty things with a look. The ultimate scene for me (I don’t know whether it’s in the new one) was when this dude went to the cemetery to check out an infant’s grave. You know how kids my age at that time perceive graves. They’re like the mosh pit for ghosts. So when I saw this scene with strong winds and thunder could be heard from the background, I was mortified more than I could ever remember. So to me, personally, Omen was a classic. As I don’t fancy horror movies so much, for me to say that is a compliment on its own.

Still taking about movies, people are most probably getting all psyched up for Dead Man’s Chest or Superman. But the one movie I’m looking forward to this summer is Lady in the Water. It’s an M. Night Syamalan movie. And I love his movies. Don’t you? Everybody loved The Sixth Sense. But there are mixed reactions since Signs came out. Some people don’t like movies with alien in them – period. These are the same kind of people who hates War of the Worlds. I’m not saying I’m an alien buff myself but as long as they portray the concept in a believable manner, it’s fine with me. Anyway, Lady in the Water is about an apartment superintendent, played by Paul Giamatti (you should see him in Sideways. Absolutely brilliant) who one day discovers a woman in the apartment’s pool. It turns out, she’s a fairy tale character and he has to help her find her back home. Only Syamalan could come up with a story like this. Aren’t you intrigued how this story is going to turn out? I’m excited just thinking about it. Forget about the Man of Steel, although Johnny Depp as a pirate is still quite amusing, and check out the latest from M Night Syamalan. Man, I sound like a promotional gig.

Nanu, nanu!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

My Stupendous Weekend

Moving away from the World Cup. My weekend has been anything but stupendous. I spent the whole of Saturday playing FM, just because I haven’t played it in almost two weeks because of the exams and I really missed it. And it was hard for me to stop too because my team are doing so well. I’m at the top of the league, the top four highest ratings are dominated by my players and my main striker is leading the goal-scoring charts. Oh sorry, talking football again.

Anyway, I thought I might try something different today. Socializing, I mean. But my hopes were dashes as I was assigned to drive to Kuala Selangor to deliver some things to my younger brother. Well, ain’t that just perfect. And it further frustrated me when Pidot called and asked me whether I was coming to the wedding. “What wedding?” I asked in return, fearing that I may misread an e-mail sometime ago or worse, deleted it without even opening. “You’re friend, Zurin,”. Oh shit, that was today?

You see, Pidot is a schoolmate of mine from SAS. 5 years through and thru. Zurin is from my batch at UTP. She’s part of Ara’s clique. If you ask me, they’re the closest version of The Plastics in UTP. Though, a mild version at that. While Ara is Regina, Zurin is probably Karen. Which is why I could never figure out how the hell do guys keep falling for her. Anyway, alas she found someone who gives enough shit about her to actually ask her hand in marriage. That man is Pidot’s elder brother. So Pidot disclosed to me this ‘sumptuous’ information and invited me to the wedding about late last year when we were hanging out. He did mention it’s supposed to be in June but I totally forgot about it six months later. And since I was at Kuala Selangor at that time, no way I could make it to Subang in less than 10 minutes. But, hope is not lost. The kenduri at the groom’s is scheduled next weekend at Taiping. It is tempting. You know, just to actually see Zurin on the pelamin looking shy-shy cat. It would definitely look weird. Just like a platypus looks weird. But nothing’s been arranged yet. We’ll see how the plan develops.

One more thing about Zurin is that she’s the same age as Pidot and me. So for Pidot to call her ‘kakak ipar’, uh , well, I could only imagine his despair. And to think that this woman will be the one having babies with your elder brother, man, it’ll be one those disturbing thoughts worse than the topless scene in ‘There’s Something About Mary’.

Moving away again…
Newsflash – I’m still broke. Would you believe I have yet to receive my first paycheck? How about the reward for my hard labour in May? How am I supposed to take Najua out for a spa date like this? Oh speaking of spas, one of things I’m planning to do with my first ever super duper salary is test out the spa at The Ascott. I’ve been eyeing that place ever since I saw the brochure in Jes’ room. I know it’s overpriced but this is not exactly Bali, is it? I would definitely invite Jes to come along. And probably even Sasa, ‘cause I know she would love the idea spending a weekend at a swank spa. And because I like to see her half-naked.

You know, I do hope they would pay me quickly because the longer this drags on, the more imaginative and unachievable my wishes would become. Getting an IPod, for instance. Or a stereo for Valerie. I know by the end of they day I would left ruing, “Where have all my money gone?” and standing in my bedroom with nothing but a brand new pair of shorts from F.O.S to show for.

Another tempting thought that hit me earlier is to get a World Cup jersey. Although I don’t know what nation I fancy yet. Probably Italy, despite people kept saying to me how ugly it looks. Well, I said the same about Holland’s orange kit and people don’t give a fuck about my opinion too.

But the one thing I would definitely do is get my PS2 fixed. So I can play Winning Eleven 10 endlessly ‘till my thumb hurts and invite friends over to join me until the wee hours of the morning. I know Gambit will love this idea. Apart from his weird fetish for a certain body part of a woman, this is the only thing that could excite him.

Oh shit. How am I gonna get to Taiping if I ain’t got no fuckin, money!? Ah shait. Haih, OMG.

Italy's Flaw

After watching USA somehow held on to a draw with Italy, I have discovered a huge flaw in the Azzuri’s attack. You see, while Gilardino and Luca Toni are very capable strikers they are not exactly what you’d call creative forwards. What I mean is they do not have the mesmerizing ability to dribble and whiz past defenders. Their specialty is just to provide the perfect finishing touch – full stop. They can shoot and head but they can’t do step-overs, back-heel passes or have amazing close control ability that make the ball appears magnetized to their feet. Same story with the subs. You have Iaquinta and Inzaghi. Powerful and clever strikers but not exactly the magical types. Which is why they have to be dependent on the midfielders. The Totti’s, Pirlo’s and Del Piero’s. Which in turn lies Italy’s weakness. For their strikers to hit the net, they have to rely on set-pieces, crosses and through-passes. So to stop Italy from scoring or reduce their chances to scraps is simple - just stop the midfielders. Cut the supply. Or play the offside trap, like the US did so brilliantly. If you do this, the only chance Italy have of scoring is if one of the defenders makes a mistake (take note Samuel Kuffour). Which is why Italy is so in need of another Roberto Baggio. Now, that was a magical player. This would explain why we were so toothless in front of goal in 2002. And we depended on Vieri for inspiration? Yeah, sure he scored a lot in ’98 but we still had Baggio back then. So basically, yeah, I’m shit worried. How do we expect to go al the way when our sole source of creativity lies on the shoulder of a not fully fit Totti? A player who has yet to make his mark in any international tournament? Del Piero is past his best and Pirlo operates to deep. You look at the other teams and each of them has their own magic players. The sort of player that can make something out of nothing. England has Rooney and Owen. Even Crouch has that uncanny ability to flick the ball to the right places. Holland has Robben and Van Persie. Portugal has Cristiano Ronaldo and Figo. France has Henry and Ribery. Argentina has Messi, Tevez and Saviola. Brazil has, well, the only player I suspect who can’t dribble in the team is probably Dida. The 2006 WC doesn’t look good for Italy. When I saw Argentina thumped Serbia and Montenegro the other day, I have never felt fear watching a performance like that since I saw Arsenal beat Leed United in the opening game of the season of the Premiership when they started that 49-game unbeaten run. The fluidity and acuteness was so mesmerizing you can almost hear ‘Take My Breath Away’ in the background.

But, a fan is still a fan. Just as the day when Ahn Jung Hwan broke my heart, I am still rooting for Italy. Maybe my hypothesis is wrong. Maybe Totti will become the player he is at Roma. Maybe Luca Toni will start scoring like mad. Maybe Italy will play seven matches. Maybe Cannavaro willl receive the gold-laden trophy from Sepp Blatter on July 9th. Maybe, just maybe, my 12 years of disappointment will end.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The World Cup

It is inevitable that we have to talk about it – the World Cup. Ah yes, the time has dawn upon us yet again. It’s the summer when every football fan on the whole planet rejoices. It’s that time again when a man’s truly best friend is the TV (not that is has been otherwise before). The only thing that can budge me from the TV during a live game is if Najua were to stand half-naked next to it, wearing red lingerie, hands on hips and seductively licking her lips. Speaking about Najua, I did saw her yesterday at Alpha Angle, albeit from afar. She was with another chick who I didn’t recognize and a guy who could only be slightly younger than Bobby Robson. I don’t want to theorize about the possible connections or supposed scenario but interesting point was Najua looked uncharacteristically un-hot. She wore a loose blue t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans. Sporting her glasses and a ponytail she could pass off as a geeky student from Sedaya College. But we know better, don’t we? It’s just proof that she is human after all and not a hot 24/7 fashionista that I thought she is. And, may I add, she would look stunning in red lingerie.

Back to the WC, I was at Alpha Angle doing the weekend grocery shopping at Jusco and one of the things I noticed at the supermarket was that the snacks section was significantly depleting. Especially Cheezeles. Clearly people are stocking up for those late night sessions. For me, my big late night session will come Tuesday morning when Italy take on Ghana. A 3am kick-off time. Something tells me I would not enjoy coming to work on Tuesday. Did you read about the guy who quit his job just so can watch every live match? Well, it’s almost insane. He fells he’s marketable enough to land another job straightaway after July 9th. Well, who are we to argue?

Have you noticed how the Internet connection is slow at certain times of the day recently? I have a spot on feeling that the WC has definitely something to do with it. An article in today’s paper mentioned that the amount of information coming and going from Germany is predicted to be around 15 trillion bytes. The amount of data equivalent to 100 million books. 100 million! That’s just nucking futs.

Let’s leave the World Cup at that for the moment, shall we? I’m practically booked every night until early July. Unless, of course, if Jes invites me over for a snog. That reminds me, her tenure in KL is almost over and I have yet to dip in at the 22nd floor Jacuzzi. Oh fuckin’ hell. I’d better call Najua to find out if she’s free for a threesome.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Employed (and Women)

Oh, yes. It has finally happened. Almost 18 excruciating months in the making. I am now employed, as an auditor, in a Big Four. Oh yeaaaah!! Do I make you horny, babe!? Do I!?
You know, I’m probably the only idiot in the world to get so excited on being an auditor. Arguably one of the dullest jobs one could ever have and yet I felt like Tom Cruise on Oprah when I first heard the news. It was 5.37 pm on a Friday, May the 5th. It was raining and I just got into my car, which was parked in a lot off Jalan Yap Kwan Seng, and I was all drenched Ah, what a lovely day that was.

Personally, I see this is as not as just a job offer, per se. It’s like a form of recognition. It’s a way of the established organization saying to you, hey, we think you’re good enough. Come and join us to move forward. It’s quite flattering, really. Actually, it was more than that. It was almost an honour. Especially if it’s coming from a huge organization and to me, Deloitte is certainly one of the biggest (although the carpeting at the office might suggest otherwise). And apart from that, it provides me with a new lease on life. For starters I could finally write in the ‘Occupation’ box when I’m filling in forms other than just ‘student’ and my monthly income would no longer has to be in the region of 'below RM1000'. I could unsubscribe to JobsDB and JobStreet. I do not have to wait and go through religiously the Saturday edition of The Star. My parents would finally stop asking me rhetorical questions which includes the word ‘job’ in them. My father would stop asking me ‘why’ and my mother would stop comparing me with my cousin or her boss’ daughter’s friend’s other twin. And soon when the pay starts to accumulate, the good days will return. I can dine at Chili’s, Ciao, Chandelier or even at the Ritz-Carlton. I can drink expensive coffees, watch Actorlympics and go out on flamboyant dates. (sniff)Oh I am so happy I’m crying.

But hold your horses. There are some things that I have to forego upon undertaking this employment thingy. First is time. I used to have loads of them. Sometimes too much. Fetching the mail from the mailbox can be a significant moment in a day. Nowadays, I only open them 3 days later (if it’s important). And it’s only May for God’s sake! It’s supposed to be an off-peak period and here I am lumbering home at night with only enough energy left to bring my soddy ass to bed. It must be that I getting too fat because the job is not that demanding (yet). But the saddest part of all was leaving BITS.

BITS stands for Banking Industry Training Scheme and it’s a 5-months course held at Institute of Bankers Malaysia (IBBM). It’s an English communication skills course targeted for unemployed graduates so they are at least articulately competent when they enter into the banking industry once they graduate from the course. Yes, fine, whatever. I joined simply because I wanted to do something useful while doing my part-time ACCA classes. This one starts at 9 and ends at 4. Loads of break time in between and half-day on Fridays. Plus, they’re paying me 600 quid to learn English. So, I thought, why not? I entered with an intention to treat it nothing more than as a side dish. But my arrogance took a lesson merely 2 weeks into the course. It turned out I enjoyed it.

Basically, the BITS students’ main highlight on a day to day basis was just attending it. And since it’s just simple material, really and with hardly no stress involved, it ended up being like going back to kindergarten all over again. Just that we’re all 20-something people with Bachelor Degrees. Practically, the main agenda everyday is simply having fun. Which brings me to Kat.

Ah, yes, Kat. I get to sit next to her about a month into BITS due to a relocation of our class. I sat with someone else before that (not worth mentioning). So, we got to know each other and somehow we never looked back. Of all the people, I enjoy talking to her the most because she’s the only who’s ever heard of Nicholas Sparks and understood all my sarcastic comments. Inevitably, of course, we came quite close. Albeit her naughty demeanor that I have to put up with every single day. When I returned the call from Deloitte’s HR Department to confirm my job offer on Monday, she was sitting right next to me. When I hung up and began punching the air in true victory style, I turned to look at her surprisingly genuine shocked expression and it somehow seemed unreal. “Kau dah nak pegi?” she asked, half-heartedly, as the slight tremble of her voice trailed off. I just nodded, feeling guilty to feel joyous while she was contemplating with the sudden news of my imminent departure from BITS. For the first time, I could sense she was not kidding. There was no sudden burst of laughter. Just genuine sadness. It melted my heart. Then she asked for all the details such as what’s the job, when would I start, where my office would be, etc. I filled her in. Fortunately though, I still had a whole week to kill before heading off to my new job. So it was not all that sudden. A long slow farewell, befitting the best student in class (excuse me for bragging). There was another student who was quite on par with me in class but she left earlier for IBM. Jessy stayed about 2 months and although she got the legs, I got the charm, and I stayed longer, hence better remembered. However, Friday was Wesak Day so my whole week was actually until Thursday. Well, Thursday afternoon because I had to go pick up my offer letter that afternoon. So, after lunch I shook everyone’s hand and bid them adieu. Somehow, in the midst of all this commotion, Kat managed to reserve herself away until the last minute. But not quite too because in the end, she made me wait for her until she finishes her Zohor prayers. A drama queen till the last moment. When she finally reappears, there was that look again. The look which says, “I’m happy that you’re leaving for something better but I’m sad that you’re leaving me,” I must admit, I felt a little heartache myself. I extended my hand and took hers in mine. Then I pulled her towards me and hugged her. It was a sad déjà vu because just 4 days earlier Aritha had left me too for Chennai. Probably to mingle with Aishwarya Rai. Losing two of my angels in such a short space of time. Only the memory of how the warmth of her body felt helped me overcome this grief of separation.

But all that drama turned out to be too melodramatic because just a few days later I was assigned to a client place which was located 2 building blocks away from IBBM. So I parked at my usual place and stopped by to see the guys on my way to work. I was welcomed with open arms, naturally. It felt like I never left. What can I say? They all love me. It’s the same with Kat. We acted like nothing happened. But I was over joyous though. Seeing her again felt so reassuring. It was no until the week after that I think we really began to miss each other because she’s been SMSing me practically everyday since and I was more than happy to reply to every one of them. She even called me up last Friday just to share what’s been going on with the class since I left. I had my hands full with work then but there was no way I was going to turn down the call. Ah good times.

Haih, enough about Kat. Let’s talk about Najua. Oh yes, the now single-though-I’m-not-quite-sure-available-but-definitely-hot Najua. When I was at KLIA to bid Aritha adieu for her Indian stint, she (Aritha) and Sasa talked about how they are glad that she finally broke off with her ex (they both were Najua’s housemates at UTP, y’see). They say he didn’t deserve her and she is better off with someone else. Then, somehow one of them, I couldn’t remember whether it was Aritha or Sasa, came up with the suggestion that I should try have a chance with Najua. It sounded so compelling at first but then Sasa retracted, saying that “maybe Faizad shouldn’t” and left the statement hanging. Aritha inabjectedly continued the unsaid thought, “because Faizad tak layak?” Sasa just giggled. Now, I didn’t know whether that was an insult to me or a compliment to Najua. Probably a bit of both. But there are no hard feelings because I know I don’t deserve Najua. Apart from height she outclasses me in every department. Both Aritha and Sasa pointed out that Najua is such a motherly figure and what a good cook she is and not to mention her love and care goes beyond than what is normally expected. I, on the other hand, am a slob with a remote and a TV in front of him and the only thing I can conjure in the kitchen if it has the word ‘instant’ on the packaging. But that doesn’t mean I should give up on Najua entirely. Besides, she and I are on good terms, contrary to popular belief. Every boy could afford a Toyota or a Honda one way or the other but he always has that inkling feeling for a Porsche. But there’s a snag though. Someone else is currently taking the Porsche out for little drives around town during the weekends. He hasn’t own it yet but the Porsche seems to like the company of this 39 year old mat saleh (ooh maybe I shouldn’t have said that, ah fuck it). But the Porsche’s friend, the S2000 aka Marina Hani aka Sandra Oh seems to think otherwise and trying to convince everyone than it’s more than just rental. The Porsche consequently admitted that maybe, just maybe, that she could be owned by the mat saleh in 5 years time. 5 years time!? You trippin’? In 5 years time she is going to go out of production and the dude belongs in a junkyard. But hey, it’s just my opinion. Besides that, there’s another snag. The Jag XK-Kat? Now that one is currently owned. Not such a good scenario, is it? Somehow all this feel so familiar….

In a totally unrelated news, guess what Ity bought me for my birthday? A chick lit book titled Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner. 5 months late considering I was born in January but hey, better late than never. And God help me that this will be my only chick lit material to be registered under my possession. Surprisingly though, I quite enjoy reading it. It’s a bit like Desperate Housewives Season 1. A mysterious death in a quiet little suburbia. But unlike Teri Hatcher’s clumsiness, the witty humour actually works. Anyway, Ity’s birthday just passed last May. I’ve got until October to figure out what to give her in return. Maybe some red lingerie. Some whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries…