Handbag

How many times have you walked out of the men’s room and saw a man waiting for his girl at the entrance with her handbag slung over his shoulder while trying his best to look ultimately cool? More than a couple of times, I’m sure. And every time I come across this scenario I could not help but let out a little snicker. Seriously, girls, making your male spouse to hold your handbag in public is one of the most embarrassing stuff you can do to him. Like the other day. It was at KFC, the two girls in front were carrying the tray to the table while the bloke behind, with all that grungy Nirvana Kurt Cobain look, has a substantially large pink handbag clutched in his right fist. See, it doesn’t matter if you look like Dirty Harry, if you carrying a female handbag, you’d still look like a sissy.

This handbag thing, is an ongoing joke you see. Well, at least among the guys that is. Girls will always find the time and reason to make the man ‘be a darlin’ and hold her bag for awhile. And men could rarely say no because they would be automatically be accused of being un-gentleman like if they do. That or the awkward silence during the drive back home. And you will notice the moment he’s in possession of the handbag, the Gaya Mutu Keunggulan pose will come out. Cewah, look at me. Holding handbag also I can still look macho what. Problem is, every guy, including the one holding the handbag, knows that that’s bullshit. If you’re with a handbag, you’ll look like a sissy. He knows it, I know it, the rest of the guys in the shopping mall know it. That is why, the dude with the handbag will never look another man in the eye during this machismo pose. Especially to strangers. Because with friends you can still give out lame excuses despite the fact that you just made them up a few minutes ago but still those things could lead out to a few good laughs. Like with Gambino a couple of weeks back.

His girl, Mawar threw a little BBQ Birthday party for herself and invited a few people over. She had to play the hostess and assistant cook at the same time so guess who got the job of ‘please hold on to my bag while I go running around the place’? The boyfriend, of course. I made fun of him the moment I saw him at the main gate. He could only look down and go ‘yeah, yeah’. Act of love, ha! And you should see his reaction every time Mawar took back her handbag away. He was smiling and mimicking this shoulder exercise as a sign of relief. And every time the handbag returns to him, so does the disappointed look.

You’re probably thinking that because I don’t have a girlfriend then I have yet to be in this demoralizing situation and hence, on the receiving end of these banters. Well, I’m here to tell you how wrong you are. A few weeks back, PD, with Zalina, Sasa, Sarah, Apau, Fifi and Daia. It was night, we were bored, decided to have a little drive around town (so to speak). We all packed into Sarah’s Accent RXS (I know, couldn’t believe it myself) and had a brief stop at a moderately large grocery store (Pasaraya PD is the name if you had to know). And since Sarah was the one doing the driving and I had the smallest bum, I get to become the co-pilot and sat beside the driver. As a bonus I get to hold on to Sarah’s handbag. Oh joy. Well, at least it’s just in the car. She will take it the minute we get out. Or so I hoped. But after parking the car and I somehow decided to be a little “gentleman-ly”, I stepped out of the car with her handbag and presuming that I’ll be handing it to her just before we cross the street. Boleh la die buat sombrono je. I was left holding her handbag, which is in bright gold, if I may add, and crossing the street and into the store. Can you imagine a fat guy in T-shirt and khaki shorts walking around with a bright gold handbag slung over his right arm at night in PD? It was the most painful view. And this happened not once but twice when we had our next stop at 7-11.

So, girls, do realize that it really is embarrassing for you to make your man hold your bag. Especially during shopping. Unless, of course, that is your intention. As for the guys, haha~! Lame ass punks. Gentleman my ass la wey.