Uh-oh, It's Feb 14 Again

I got my first Happy Valentine’s Day wish at around 12.19am just now, somewhere around Seksyen 14, PJ, from non-other than Charlize herself. Shit, wait a minute. I gotta change this Charlize thing. I knew it wasn’t meant to last but it was the best I could think of at the time. Anyway, I watched Transformers again yesterday (what an awesome movie!) and Megan Fox was just, damn! She was practically sizzling! So, fuck it with Charlize. A new call sign – Megan.

On hindsight, I can no longer call her my personal SWA 07 but those abs, are just like, killer umph! Okay, I haven’t seen Megan’s abs (yet), but I’d like to think they’re not too far off from the real one’s. Those well-toned, sweaty after a good round of futsal…

Anyway, back to Seksyen 14, after wishing, okay, it wasn’t personally directed at me. There were like 3 other guys at the table and it was a general wish but she made an interesting point afterwards which I planned to include as well into this Valentine post of mine anyway. So, the thing is. I never thought I would actually live to see the day that a woman admittingly that, yes, valentine stuff (i.e. flowers and chocolates) tend to get ‘marked up’ during this period. Well, thank you, Ms Megan! But, that’s almost like a suicidal remark. It’s as if you’re saying, ‘yes, shit are expensive so you don’t have to buy me anything this Feb 14th,’ That’s like a guy saying football is just a game. We know it’s true but we don’t say it out loud. Because, shit, would you like to have other plans with the missus when MU take on Arsenal this weekend because it’s just a game? Hell no! That’s like bad karma.

But, back to the point, yes, these blood-sucking retailers are just taking advantage of this so-called ‘express your love’ day (I went up Cameron Highlands and roses are so easy t grow they’re like bushes).And because of that, Valentine’s is the most sexist excuse to celebrate a day, and I’m going to tell you why. Because in the middle of this overpricing hullabaloo, it is us guys who ended up picking up the check. What do the women do? Give a smile and nice fucking ‘thank you’ at the end of the evening. And we somehow got our minds warped around this obviously biased concept and thinking we actually got a good deal at the end of it all. A smile and a goodnight kiss? I’ll tell you what’s due by the end of the night – sex. Full, unadulterated, kinky sex, all… night… long... That is what is worth for the RM400 dinner, RM10 rose stalk and RM80 for that 12 pieces of Belgian dark chocolates. The bear came free with the chocolates.

But, in Malaysia, I doubt it is likely. Considering it’s in the middle of the week. ‘I got to go to bed early ‘coz I got a big meeting tomorrow morning’ bullshit. Oh, I almost forgot to mention about the fuel. Or the parking fee. Hotel parking can be very expensive. RM5 for the first hour.

However, I am targeting this to the unmarried couple where the case of guy trying to impress the girl scenario usually plays. Especially those teenagers at high school and college students. You are all such suckers. I know. I was one. For married couples, okay, keep the magic going, no harm done there. Chances are, you’ll be splitting the check. But for the rest of you, think very wisely men. Don’t let yourselves be played. If you really want to impress her, invite her over and make dinner youself. That always score high marks. But, of course, there’s the matter of you knowing how to cook first.

If your girl is one of those who makes a very big deal out of Valentine’s, don’t. It’s not worth it, kid. Do you now why Renee Zellweger broke up with Jim Carrey? You guessed it. Jim was apparently wasn’t fully committed to Valentine’s Day as she was and she was devastated by it. Please, those kinds of women aren’t just worth it. If she made that big a deal out of Valentine’s, imagine her birthday. A potential nightmare. Y’know, Kanye West and Jamie Foxx came up with a song about this. It’s called Gold Digger. Look it up.

I used to worship Valentine’s Day. It used to be the day when I could send gifts out of the blue without feeling awkward and gained absolute satisfaction from the recognition of the recipient. Looking back, I should have at least asked for a blow job. Valentine’s Day just doesn’t work here in Malaysia. Overseas, yeah, when the chances of getting laid tremendously increases. Unless, of course, it’s Hannah Tan. Then, a smile and a thank you are just about all you can ask for, and it’ll be enough.

Men, We’re the new women – Dylan McDermott