The Unrequited Love

Last Wednesday I forgot where I parked my car at a shopping mall. It took me 15 minutes to realize that I was at the wrong basement. Valerie was parked another level below. I am not sure whether that is a sign that I haven’t been to a shopping mall in a long time or is it because of the woman trouble that I’ve been having lately. Yes, woman trouble. Me, of all people. Well, it can’t be the former because I could remember quiet vividly I went to Suria last week. Although not in my own car but on a friend’s ride but I DID remember where HE parked. So most unfortunately it could be the latter.

I swore to myself to never have these disturbing thoughts again. Well, not until I got a decent career going on first. But it seems fate has other ideas (doesn’t it always).

So here’s the situation, but first, let me ask you people something. Do crushes have a timeline? I mean, how long does a crush, is a crush? Because, in a dictionary, it says that a crush is a “strong but often brief feeling of love for someone”. Should I highlight ‘brief’ or ‘often’? How brief is ‘brief’? A day? A week? A month? How about years? Because that is my case – years. Some find that hard to believe, including me. But I’ve managed, during all this time, somehow.

I guess this is what unemployment does to you. Your mind wanders off to ridiculous thoughts. Out of boredom, out of curiosity, and certainly out of stupidity.

Okay, so here’s the situation. I have a crush on this girl, love, whatever. Point is, look up any romantic stories and they will say “Just do it! Confess your love to her” or something like that. And they will back it up with something like, “You have nothing lose” or “What have you got to lose?”. Well, apart from rejection I have another thing to worry about – the price of friendship. I saw something similar last night on One Tree Hill and it raises the question whether you would sacrifice friendship for a relationship. Rationally, I would vote for friendship because it’s a better long term investment. Having said that, it’s not a decision that is easy to live with. Sure when you’re out with your friends you say to yourself, why should I even be bothered with a relationship? I’m happy as I am. But sometimes that feeling does get to you. Like the last weekend. I was bored out of my mind. I had no plans and no one to chill with. It was during these times to you begin to wonder what is she doing right now. And you could only wish that she was beside you. Even if it’s just sitting on the couch in front of the TV watching the Discovery Channel.

You think that’s bad. Well, the fact that she’s seeing someone just made it a lot worse doesn’t it? As someone who has a crush on her, I should be broken-hearted and filled with jealousy (which I am) but I can’t display these emotions because as a friend I have to be supportive and happy for her. Smile and “understand” everytime she blew me off for her boyfriend. Once, I even gave suggestions how to spend a romantic evening with her significant other. Oh God, I even weave my own sad story. Why do I even bother telling people about this.

Anyway, let’s end this. This blog, I mean. For this entry, that is. I’m not gonna quit blogging for heaven’s sake. Valerie’s good. She got a new engine for her belly. A used one but much better than the previous. I had an awesome Merdeka celebrations. Another one of my basi stories. I went out for 24 hours. I left home at 11 am on 30th August and came home 11 am on the 31st. Most of those time I spent chillin’. At one point, even at a parking lot. About 4 hours of sleep, 2 hours of eating and the rest, talking and making obscene jokes. A high school friend held a barbeque feast at his home at Bukit Antarabangsa which I had a lovely supper and quite a fantastic view of the city when the clock struck midnight. And nope, no UFOs were visible this time. Although I do think that the fireworks display were last elaborate than last year’s. Cutting costs, I suppose.
Puteri Shariza got married a while back and although I received a personalized invitation, and had it delivered to me personally, I didn’t go. Just because I had nobody to teman me to Teluk Intan. I’m feeling absolutely guilty about it. Nak jumpe Puteri selepas ni pun rase cam segan. Do you know that in Malaysia, an average of 20% of invited guests do not attend to the kenduri they were invited to? Yes, a wedding planner told me that. So the next time you receive a kenduri invitation, do try your best to attend. Even though I just broke that rule only 2 weeks ago.
Apart from that, everything’s fine. Just that I’m craving for a date but I don’t have the financial resources to do so. That’s the only downside about being unemployed. Other than that, it’s fabulous. Especially when you want to go to the movies. Totally deserted. Even at the busiest of places. Well, till next time, arriverderci.