Jarah Mariano, 25, was born in Kauai, Hawaii, and raised in Mission Viejo, California. At age 15, she was stopped by a scout in Santa Monica and hasn’t stopped modeling. After high school, Jarah moved to NYC where she attended Pace University, earning her degree while modeling for Victoria’s Secret, MAC, Armani Exchange, Roxy, Quiksilver, bla bla bla…you know what? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Jarah now features on the door of my bedroom. Whoo! Go Jarah!
I’m happy for my door. It used to be such a lonely door in 2008. Not a single scantily-clad babe for the whole of 12 months. It was such a dark and gloomy period. But the good times are back again!
Ever since the Malaysian version of FHM magazine came about, there was only one thing I really was excited about. And that is their annual calendar. Because, before we had our local version, I once came across the said calendar but from the UK edition FHM. Needless to say, the semi-nude (and some topless!) women, posing in great provocativeness, printed on high quality paper just drove me berserk. From then on, I couldn’t stop wishing how I would love to get one of those some day. So when Malaysia decided to have its own version of the male magazine, my prayers were answered. Or so I thought.
Take the 2001 edition, for instance. It was filled with celebrities. Normally, this should be considered a good thing. But when you talk about Paula Malai Ali, Asha Gill and Kavita Sidhu, these are established industry players. They have achieved fame. They didn't need to expose too much skin just to make a staement. Let alone topless (well, maybe not Kavita, but that’s another story). Sexy poses, yeah. But most of them were fully clothed. Like Louise Redknapp and Joey Mead (Okay, I’m not too sure about Joey Mead). And some of the choices were awful. Alicia Silverstone? Lene Nystrom? You wouldn’t believe some of the difficult months I had to endure. Suffice to say, I was disappointed. But, just like our national football team, it’s the best we’ve got. No use complaining. There were no other alternatives. It sure as hell beat nature themed calendars. And, even with contempt, I continue to adorn my bedroom door with Malaysia’s FHM calendar year in year out.
Until late last year.
I was still bummed out for missing out the calendar issue for 2008. It had to do with my laziness that I’m trying to curb nowadays. Generally, I was PO with myself.
But then, the trip to Gold Coast happened and I’ll be forever grateful for the day before we had to come back home.
The trip to Paradise Country to see the kangaroos and the koalas ended surprisingly early. It was just a half-day affair. So the family had plenty of time to spare. And, naturally, with Mom leading, we ended going to the largest shopping mall in town – The Pacific Fair Shopping Centre. Personally, I’d rather lounge all day at Hooters (and remains one of my many life's obsessions). And, since her children are no longer 12 and share almost nothing in common interest, we decided to split up and venture where ever we please individually and meet back at a spot after a designated time. Fine.
As I walked around, trying to look for some Oakley shades with the hope that they cost less over there (they don't), I stumbled upon the new Mustang displayed on centre court as part of a marketing gig. I was stoked, of course, because it’s quite a nice car, even more in real life, and what’s more, there’s no chance I’ll be seeing one on Malaysian roads.
However, half an hour later, with no Oakley store in sight and a black Mustang smothered with my breath and finger prints, I head back to the family meeting spot. Along the way, I’m not sure but it was probably habit, I stepped into a stationery/convenient store. I was walking along the magazine aisle and almost stopped breathing when I came up to the calendar section. There on display were some cool calendars. A very funny Dilbert and Futurama calendar, among them. But I couldn’t take my eyes off the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit calendar. Right there, on the shelf. It was a gem. I stood there, motionless and just couldn't believe my luck. I picked up a copy and today, it hangs beautifully on my bedroom door. I think it goes without saying, it’s my best calendar EVER!
Jarah Mariano is one thing. I had Brooklyn Decker for January.
I’m happy for my door. It used to be such a lonely door in 2008. Not a single scantily-clad babe for the whole of 12 months. It was such a dark and gloomy period. But the good times are back again!
Ever since the Malaysian version of FHM magazine came about, there was only one thing I really was excited about. And that is their annual calendar. Because, before we had our local version, I once came across the said calendar but from the UK edition FHM. Needless to say, the semi-nude (and some topless!) women, posing in great provocativeness, printed on high quality paper just drove me berserk. From then on, I couldn’t stop wishing how I would love to get one of those some day. So when Malaysia decided to have its own version of the male magazine, my prayers were answered. Or so I thought.
Take the 2001 edition, for instance. It was filled with celebrities. Normally, this should be considered a good thing. But when you talk about Paula Malai Ali, Asha Gill and Kavita Sidhu, these are established industry players. They have achieved fame. They didn't need to expose too much skin just to make a staement. Let alone topless (well, maybe not Kavita, but that’s another story). Sexy poses, yeah. But most of them were fully clothed. Like Louise Redknapp and Joey Mead (Okay, I’m not too sure about Joey Mead). And some of the choices were awful. Alicia Silverstone? Lene Nystrom? You wouldn’t believe some of the difficult months I had to endure. Suffice to say, I was disappointed. But, just like our national football team, it’s the best we’ve got. No use complaining. There were no other alternatives. It sure as hell beat nature themed calendars. And, even with contempt, I continue to adorn my bedroom door with Malaysia’s FHM calendar year in year out.
Until late last year.
I was still bummed out for missing out the calendar issue for 2008. It had to do with my laziness that I’m trying to curb nowadays. Generally, I was PO with myself.
But then, the trip to Gold Coast happened and I’ll be forever grateful for the day before we had to come back home.
The trip to Paradise Country to see the kangaroos and the koalas ended surprisingly early. It was just a half-day affair. So the family had plenty of time to spare. And, naturally, with Mom leading, we ended going to the largest shopping mall in town – The Pacific Fair Shopping Centre. Personally, I’d rather lounge all day at Hooters (and remains one of my many life's obsessions). And, since her children are no longer 12 and share almost nothing in common interest, we decided to split up and venture where ever we please individually and meet back at a spot after a designated time. Fine.
As I walked around, trying to look for some Oakley shades with the hope that they cost less over there (they don't), I stumbled upon the new Mustang displayed on centre court as part of a marketing gig. I was stoked, of course, because it’s quite a nice car, even more in real life, and what’s more, there’s no chance I’ll be seeing one on Malaysian roads.
However, half an hour later, with no Oakley store in sight and a black Mustang smothered with my breath and finger prints, I head back to the family meeting spot. Along the way, I’m not sure but it was probably habit, I stepped into a stationery/convenient store. I was walking along the magazine aisle and almost stopped breathing when I came up to the calendar section. There on display were some cool calendars. A very funny Dilbert and Futurama calendar, among them. But I couldn’t take my eyes off the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit calendar. Right there, on the shelf. It was a gem. I stood there, motionless and just couldn't believe my luck. I picked up a copy and today, it hangs beautifully on my bedroom door. I think it goes without saying, it’s my best calendar EVER!
Jarah Mariano is one thing. I had Brooklyn Decker for January.
And there’s still plenty more where that came from!
Life was good. I was basking in glory. Adorning my door is one hard-to-get-locally item and it’s hot and I smuggled it from 4000 miles away. I was happy. I’ve never been so excited to look what date it is every time the occasion calls for it. But, perfection was not to last.
Life was good. I was basking in glory. Adorning my door is one hard-to-get-locally item and it’s hot and I smuggled it from 4000 miles away. I was happy. I’ve never been so excited to look what date it is every time the occasion calls for it. But, perfection was not to last.
Something really did ruin my euphoria a few weeks later I returned from Australia. Again, my habit kicked in again and I walked into a Borders store and just guess what I came across on the shelves displaying calendars for sale. The same Dilbert and Futurama calendars. Okay. But, beside them, the exact 2009 SI calendar that I had painstakingly flew in from another f-ing continent! Damn it! And mine had Australian holiday reminders on them! Just what the heck is a Waitangi Day!?
At least a dose of comfort is that the one at Borders would cost me RM52 to get. While the one I bought at that stationery store at Aussie sold at 15 dollars. That’s about RM36. RM16 difference. Damn right I got the better bargain! I refuse to think otherwise.
However, even though my SI calendar is no longer as unattainable as I would have liked, it does provide the future with good impetus. From 2010 onwards, I could kiss goodbye to FHM’s calendar and get my hands on SI’s. Even if they are not stacked close by to men’s lifestyle mags like Zoo and Playboy Australia. (No, as much as I would've liked to, I didn’t smuggle them). Lainla kalau ade orang nak bawak balik kan utk aku dr US. kann, Aritha?
But, for the sake of fun, I also bought this year’s FHM calendar and guess what? It continues to disappoint. This time they have this Girl Next Door theme but how am I suppose to get excited with chicks named Moon Ko and Chan Siong Meay? (but I have to hand it to Jezamine Lim and Gail James. They are hawt!) What’s more, the air-brushing techniques is just so telling. They’re so obviously fake as Pam Anderson’s boobs. Although, I wouldn’t deny SI also does its fair share of air-brushing but theirs is so much more difficult to distinguish. Besides, when you have someone like Jarah, you wouldn't even bother for such things. And, last but not least, I appreciate the swimsuit route taken by FHM but swimsuits are one thing. One-pieces are another. And on some of them, where the words Arena and Speedo can be clearly seen, doesn’t exactly translate into hotness. Lainla kalau Jessica Alba tu pakai D&G. Always two-piece. Always full-bodied view. And why, are none of the girls wet!? How can you have swimsuit shoots without water? You are getting way too sloppy, FHM.
'Til then, join me next time for more gender biased discussions. Aloha.
1 comment:
matilah kene beli playboy every month
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