I Need A Girlfriend

I wish I have a girlfriend. There I said it. The last time I said that was back in 2003. I don’t remember what triggered me to say it back then but I know why this time around.

As a working individual, the weekends are supposed to be a period of release. For two days when you don’t to have wake up early just to beat the morning traffic or worry how to explain to your superior why you haven’t finished that report which you were meant to submit to him three days ago. You can put on your favorite shorts on and switch on the TV to catch the highlights of last night’s EPL games. Weekends are the time to kick back and relax as the world passes you by. I used to have that luxury. Now, even though a bit strained with the ACCA classes and all, I could still manage to find a bit of fun in between now and again. Even when I don’t have anything specifically planned for my tight leisure time, I still could find solace in playing FM, catch up on my reading or watch CSI Supreme Sunday. And with the new football season have gone underway, surely ‘boredom’ would be the last word in my vocabulary, right? Wrong. And how I hate to be wrong in this one.

Last Friday I have set myself a task, or call it a mission, if you may, to make an effort and call Najua for a second outing. Well, I didn’t, sorry to say. Mainly because I gave myself the lame excuse of not regaining my voice back yet. I still sounded like a 15-year-old record player. But in truth I was too chicken shit to make that call. Instead I called some of my mates looking for any type of amusement for the night. But it was a dire effort. One had to spend quality time with his girlfriend and the other told me to come up with something instead and later call back to tell him what it’ll be. Then what’s the point of me calling in the first place? So eventually, Friday night passed uneventfully. But it didn’t quite bothered me though because I get to play The Godfather game and it kicks ass, even more so if you’re a fan of the movie. Then again, if you’re a normal bloke, you should be.

Saturday mornings are supposed to be spent watching cartoons in your pajamas until noon with a sugary bowl of cereal in front of you. That is, if you’re 10. If you’re my age (or me, to be exact) then you’ll probably be watching Mythbusters and have a slice of soggy microwaved pizza in one hand. I had made a promise that morning that whether by hook or by fucking crook, I going to have fun that night. That is, right after class. Problem was, nobody who’s sane enough would make plans for Saturday night as early as Saturday noon. Unless you’re planning for a long day out that would stretch into the night, which wasn’t an option available to me. So, like it or not, I had to kind of wait until night itself to actually came before I can ring people to ask what’s up. At first I thought, that shouldn’t prove too much of an obstacle. I mean, I know quite a number of people. What are the chances all of them were not free? Once again, as it beginning to happen more often to me lately, I assumed too soon.

I probably called around 11 people that night and none, I repeat, none, were free. Some didn’t pick up, some were with their families, girlfriends, at weddings, you name it, every possible event that you could think of and all the people I called was attending some form of them. For 45 minutes I was pacing around the parking lot at Sunway College, exhausting the battery life of my Nokia phone until I finally got fed up, ignited Valerie and headed straight home to Gombak.

The whole family was out, visiting my sister at Shah Alam, so I had the house to myself. I took comfort in the living room, switched on the telly to Arsenal vs Aston Villa, turned up the volume and had a hot steaming pizza from Pizza Hut by my side. Very the bachelor style. It was kind of cool. But it didn’t feel like it. Truth was, I would’ve swapped everything that night for a hot female companion. It was then that I sighed heavily and wished how it would be great to have a girlfriend. At least, if I have a girlfriend, and if it turns out she has some plans with her friends, I could make her feel guilty for leaving me all alone. Then I would sulk, have a bit of a fight, won’t talk for a few hours, apologize and have make-up sex the following day. Awesome.

But this is not Faizad’s Fantasy World. This is reality. And in reality, Faizad does not have any girlfriends and there are times when everybody has a plan except for Faizad. Are you feeling sorry for me? Well don’t. I have enough pity for one day. I’m more annoyed right now. Want to blame somebody? Blame it on swine fluuuuuuuuu!!!

Anyway, back to topic at hand, my high hopes of getting laid on that Saturday night just ended at that – high hopes.

Sunday. What is there to tell about Sunday? I woke up ridiculously early for Sundays to drive across Klang Valley for 45 minutes to hear someone talk about the Malaysian Taxation system. While most of the population were chillin’ at home, I was learning about Capital Allowance and Qualifying Plant Expenditure all the way until evening.

As class ended and the afternoon heat subsided, I thought, well, yesterday was a mistake because when I called those people it was already the time when people already made their plans for the night and for me to come bursting through asking them to change it for my sake just, well, not right. Bad timing, if you’d call it. But this time, aha! This time I’m way ahead. It’s evening and it’s the right time to coax people to make plans with me. Besides, people don’t do much on Sunday nights. A simple drink would be enough to make my day and I know that isn’t much to ask for. So guess who was the first person I called? I give you a hint. Her name starts with the letter N. Haha, since my voice was pretty much ‘okay’, I say, why not? So I called Nosferatu, hoping for, well, anything.

But the bad signs were already there even at the beginning. I straight away got her voice mail, meaning she has her phone turned off, meaning she could be in a cinema, meaning she is already out having a good time, meaning I might as well forget it about seeing her today. Though I did try again half an hour later, it was the same outcome and further reinforced my theory. But in that half hour, I tried my luck with other people. Guess the second person I called? My muse, of course! But I was 30 minutes too late. She was already on the road driving and had her nieces in the back seat, tormenting her, as usual. Another one struck out. Then I called Aritha. She has a wedding to attend to that night. Sod. But we did manage a little chat and established that Solar flowers is another name for Sunflowers. I called Jes but she didn’t pick up. Then I remembered someone whom I haven’t spoken to in a long time – Aida. Ha tgk! Aku letak name kau ni, Aida! Anyway, Aida is probably one of those people that I click whenever I talk to her. Though I still couldn’t believe she’s a fan of my blog after all this while. In her words, she described my blog as “bes gile!”. It’s good to know that I have a growing fanbase. Also, she’s trustworthy enough not to tell Ara about my perversive thoughts I have written in this blog about her former roommate. Yes, indiscretion is key in blogging. So we got talking for quite some time and even when Jes returned my call I couldn’t answer because Aida and me were, well, sort of gossiping. I know, I didn’t think that I even had the ability but we did gossip. It was weirdly fun. We talked until my phone went dead. But alas, she too already has plans for the evening. Too bad, eh, mate? I returned Jes’ missed call but she told me to call back in 10 minutes because she was in a hurry to go out. Well, kind of defeats the purpose, ain’t it?

When I finally landed on the sofa, I was tired. Tired from classes and tired from calling people to ask for a cap.
“Man, I wish I have a girlfriend”
Then was probably time we have that make-up sex. And afterwards Nosferatu would lie naked next to me looking as beautiful as ever. Did I say Nosferatu? I mean, it could be just about anybody, right? Figuratively speaking. Err, moving on!

So, the way I see it to overcome this momentous amount of grievance is to blog about it. Haha, that’s not really the plan. I would’ve blog something anyway. I see this as a signal to further expand my social circle. Starting off with some of the people that I haven’t been in touch with for a long time. I know this isn’t really ‘expanding’ but more like ‘rebuilding bridges’. Anyway, like Aina, for instance. That should be an interesting prospect. Weird thing though. I’ve always enjoyed talking to these people, yet somewhere along the way I stopped calling them. I even called Regina that Saturday. I know Gambit would probably give me that wtf? look but truth is, I enjoy the conversations I have with her. Though she does have a tendency to be melodramatic when talking about the Korean movies she saw. The list would include you too, Aida. We are going to get together and talk about your single CBN friends.

Anyhow, thinking back, in the event I actually manage to secure a girlfriend, love of my life, my sunshine, puchini, whatever, question is, would that be something that I want? I mean, a man in a relationship? Would that make me a better or worse person? I’m contemplating this because I do know people who, once in a relationship, they tend to drift away from their friends. They made their partner their center of their world. Even in my current hectic lifestyle, I already am meeting less of my mates. I certainly don’t want to further distance myself away. Because it doesn’t feel nice. Even if my girlfriend turns out to be Diana Danielle even. Bold statement, I must say, even by my own standards. Point being, despite my desperate calls for a female companion, I think I still pretty much enjoy being single. As the saying goes, if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it. Yes, last weekend was horrible but it could just be a stutter. There are certainly a lot more weekends to look forward to. I mean, what is it with having a girlfriend anyway? What it’s all about? (Jude Law, Alfie)