Easing Into 2006 (Sebuah Epik Gilgamesh Edisi Tahun Baru)

I have been sitting in front of this computer for, as it says here – 19 hours and 21 minutes. Now, you may ask, why in the bloody hell would someone do such a thing? Well, I have one word for you – Civilization IV. Okay that’s one word and a Roman numerical but still. It’s a computer game, in case you’re wondering, and it’s absolutely fuckin’ brilliant. Gamespot voted it as the PC game of the year and I can tell you they’re spot on.

Those familiar with the computer games world would recognize this title all woo well. It’s my first time trying this one out and I enjoyed it, immensely. For those of you who don’t, it lets you play as a historical leader leading a civilization from the crummy settlers who set up small villages at the beginning up to the huge metropolitan cities that discovers the Internet and space travel at the end (if you can succed). It’s not exactly a discerning concept but really an absorbing one at it. Look at me, for instance. I played as Caesar, ruling the Roman Empire and my friendly neighbour was Gandhi of India. We were friends at first, trading and stuff. But then I conquered his backyard and finally declared war on him. And not before I lined up hordes of military power just outside his major cities. I even nuked Delhi to top it all off. He was quite bitter after that, I can tell you. What a backstabbing bastard I was. And yet, I relished the victory. And more admirably the deception. I guess the saying is not entirely true, then. Greed can sometimes be rewarding. Anyway, those of you who have an able PC, get this game. You wouldn’t regret it. And get ready for some sleepless nights. I know I have.

Now, to some interesting stories. Last Wednesday, I was at the Shangri-La, KL, and I was amazed because I had forgotten how magnificent that hotel is. It used to be the hip spot but since attention has shifted to KLCC where the Mandarin Orientals and the Renaissances are, people have forgotten about it. Such as me. But of course, Shangri-La is an international chain and it’s impossible that the owners would let it fall in its standards. So it was rather foolish of me to have thought otherwise. However, that’s not my point in telling you about this. Nice décor, I might add.

Something likewise funny happened when I was about to leave the hotel. I parked my car, Valerie, at its parking space and for the first time ever I’ve seen at a well-respected hotel, the mode of payment for the parking ticket is to be made through an autopay station. The kind you’d find at large shopping malls. If that wasn’t enough, there was this stubby middle-aged man in front me, and obviously in a hurry because he swore a few times in respect of the machine’s incooperative-ness. And it didn’t help that he received this huge amount of change that made a sound like he hit a jackpot at a Las Vegas slot machine. When it was my turn, I too was equally surprised by my change. Not because it was a lot or incorrect but it was in two 50 cent coins. Then it occurred to me, since the RM1 coin went obsolete, these autopay machines would have to supply change in 50 cents denominations. I was lucky my change was only RM1. Imagine if it was RM5. It’s not that much but that would mean ten pieces of coins. If you think the ‘ka-ching ka-ching’ sound your trousers make when loaded with RM1 cons made was embarrassing enough, well think again. I imagine this is the same what’s going on at every shopping mall. Goodness, it has to be very annoying. Maybe some of you had realized this a long time ago since the RM1 coin was obsolete December 7th ago and giving me the “Doh!” treatment but excuse me for being an advent user of the LRT.
Back to the New Year theme. For 2006, according to the Chinese zodiac, it’s the year of the Dog. And for those of you born in 1982, it’s us! Aye! So, two full circles already. Remember the last time, 1994? We were twelve. It was kind of daunting. Leaving childhood and entering teenage years. It was a transitional year. For 2006, we are twenty-four and supposedly have deep entered into adulthood. I would like to emphasize on the word ‘supposedly’ rather than ‘adulthood’. Even though I know some of us had already gotten married and making babies but some of us still pretty much the playful kid unwilling to let go. I don’t know about girls but for boys, we still drool over fast red sports cars, fantasizing of having dates with the girls on the cover of FHM and obsessed with PS2.

Speaking of FHM, I was just in time to get my hands on the new 2006 calendar. Aye! But I must say this year’s is a bit disappointing. Some of the girls in it are just so… not right. For instance Mariah Carey. She is so 90s. And Paris Hilton? Urgh. Do you know that Hitz.FM once referred to her as an “heiress turned actress”? Actress? Really? Did they mean the job in House of Wax and that miserable Simple Life series merit her the title of an actress? Please, I’ve seen dogs do better job on Animal Planet. But one highlight of the calendar is Natasha Hudson. Oh yeah. One of the most underrated Malaysian beauties ever. Unlike Amber Chia. The most overrated Cina bukit one. And she’s Miss January. Go figure. Chia, that is.

And speaking of PS2, mine’s broke. Oh yes, heartbreak hotel. I was playing Winning Eleven, of course, when it suddenly refuses to read the disc. It just goes stagnant. Just like a man’s penis when the effects of Viagra have worn off. To fix, or not to fix? It’ll cost money, that’s for sure. Hence the reason I bought Civilization IV. Cheaper maa. 10 Ringgit only for one DVD.

So what’s in store for me in 2006? Well, we have the Raya Haji and Chinese New Year holidays to look forward to in the short term. As for the medium term, I’m very much confident I’ll pass the MICPA exam this second time running. It felt good. I really slugged it out this time. I missed a lot of Sportcentres. And it hurts every time I have to say ‘no’ when someone calls me up for some minum-minum. I was even angry with myself every time I fell asleep because time was too precious to be wasted on sleep. But in the end, it felt worth it. And with that, hopefully KPMG. Whoa! As for long term, I finally want to install a proper stereo into Valerie. That space has been void far too long. Ever since that Linkin Park concert in, when was that? 2003? Man, that’s too long. You’re probably wondering how I’ve managed it all this time. It’s not easy, I give you that. Especially during those long trips back to Tronoh.

I have a threesome date with Tomok and Nebu tonight to see Baik Punye Cilok. The reason I’m willing to see a Malay movie at a cinema is because it’s directed by my man, Afdlin Shauki. Since I missed his Why Are You Still Fat? and Actorlympics plays, this is some kind of retribution. And you can be pretty sure I’ll do this again when Buli Balik comes out and Sumo-lah later on. Man, I love his comedy. Oh by the way, have you seen the grossing charts lately? Narnia is doing better than Kong. How is that possible? Are the public blind? Narnia is so disappointing that’s it’s appalling that some quarters even dared to compare it with Goblet of Fire. Kong, meanwhile, was in a class of its own. You couldn’t tell whether it’s an action movie or whether it’s a love story, comedic or a sad dramatic tale. Now that’s artistic. And the only way you can get blown away with Narnia is if you’re twelve and your version of horror is The Little Red Riding Hood. And the greatest leader of all is a lion? That thing doesn’t even have opposable thumbs, let alone the ability to handle a sword or spear. It‘s got claws and bite, then what? Roar its enemies till death? What a joke.

I think it’s time for me to leave. Good holidays everyone. It’s the first month of the year and we’re already showered with public holidays. Could only happen in Malaysia. Cheers.