The Dilemma of Saturday Nights

Tomorrow is Saturday. Wait a minute, it already is. Anyway, later later on, Saturday night will hit us and I had a very forgettable one last weekend. Consequently, that has made me, er I don’t know, menggatal, I think, for decent night out with a girl. Problem is, choices are quite limited currently. One’s in London, one has already other plans for a concert and one is still recovering from a shocking news she received earlier to…yesterday. One’s in JB and another in Seremban. One is too busy with work and the other is stuck to her boyfriend like glue. The rest are either also busy with their respective boyfriends (or in the quest of finding one) or just turned dull as of late. What’s left are the ones which I haven’t given a call since late last year. Asking for a night out just out of the blue would almost be the equivalent of a bootie call. Haih, it seems that I have to venture out for a fresh one. Not easy you know. Maybe I could get lucky. Who knows?
I know I’m missing some names here but just couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Hopefully she doesn’t have any wedding plans anytime soon. Or baby showers for that matter.

Handbag

How many times have you walked out of the men’s room and saw a man waiting for his girl at the entrance with her handbag slung over his shoulder while trying his best to look ultimately cool? More than a couple of times, I’m sure. And every time I come across this scenario I could not help but let out a little snicker. Seriously, girls, making your male spouse to hold your handbag in public is one of the most embarrassing stuff you can do to him. Like the other day. It was at KFC, the two girls in front were carrying the tray to the table while the bloke behind, with all that grungy Nirvana Kurt Cobain look, has a substantially large pink handbag clutched in his right fist. See, it doesn’t matter if you look like Dirty Harry, if you carrying a female handbag, you’d still look like a sissy.

This handbag thing, is an ongoing joke you see. Well, at least among the guys that is. Girls will always find the time and reason to make the man ‘be a darlin’ and hold her bag for awhile. And men could rarely say no because they would be automatically be accused of being un-gentleman like if they do. That or the awkward silence during the drive back home. And you will notice the moment he’s in possession of the handbag, the Gaya Mutu Keunggulan pose will come out. Cewah, look at me. Holding handbag also I can still look macho what. Problem is, every guy, including the one holding the handbag, knows that that’s bullshit. If you’re with a handbag, you’ll look like a sissy. He knows it, I know it, the rest of the guys in the shopping mall know it. That is why, the dude with the handbag will never look another man in the eye during this machismo pose. Especially to strangers. Because with friends you can still give out lame excuses despite the fact that you just made them up a few minutes ago but still those things could lead out to a few good laughs. Like with Gambino a couple of weeks back.

His girl, Mawar threw a little BBQ Birthday party for herself and invited a few people over. She had to play the hostess and assistant cook at the same time so guess who got the job of ‘please hold on to my bag while I go running around the place’? The boyfriend, of course. I made fun of him the moment I saw him at the main gate. He could only look down and go ‘yeah, yeah’. Act of love, ha! And you should see his reaction every time Mawar took back her handbag away. He was smiling and mimicking this shoulder exercise as a sign of relief. And every time the handbag returns to him, so does the disappointed look.

You’re probably thinking that because I don’t have a girlfriend then I have yet to be in this demoralizing situation and hence, on the receiving end of these banters. Well, I’m here to tell you how wrong you are. A few weeks back, PD, with Zalina, Sasa, Sarah, Apau, Fifi and Daia. It was night, we were bored, decided to have a little drive around town (so to speak). We all packed into Sarah’s Accent RXS (I know, couldn’t believe it myself) and had a brief stop at a moderately large grocery store (Pasaraya PD is the name if you had to know). And since Sarah was the one doing the driving and I had the smallest bum, I get to become the co-pilot and sat beside the driver. As a bonus I get to hold on to Sarah’s handbag. Oh joy. Well, at least it’s just in the car. She will take it the minute we get out. Or so I hoped. But after parking the car and I somehow decided to be a little “gentleman-ly”, I stepped out of the car with her handbag and presuming that I’ll be handing it to her just before we cross the street. Boleh la die buat sombrono je. I was left holding her handbag, which is in bright gold, if I may add, and crossing the street and into the store. Can you imagine a fat guy in T-shirt and khaki shorts walking around with a bright gold handbag slung over his right arm at night in PD? It was the most painful view. And this happened not once but twice when we had our next stop at 7-11.

So, girls, do realize that it really is embarrassing for you to make your man hold your bag. Especially during shopping. Unless, of course, that is your intention. As for the guys, haha~! Lame ass punks. Gentleman my ass la wey.

Kat

I can’t remember exactly who it was but one of my teachers at secondary school told me during one of those ‘Life Lessons of the Day’ sessions that a lady’s beauty lies with her hands. I’ve always thought that the eyes are the most beautiful part but since I have trouble looking into a mesmerizing pair of eyes and focusing on the conversation at hand at the same time, I figure, looking at the hands sounds like a good alternative. So over a while now, it turned into a trained habit of mine. Only earlier today I was talking to this adorable girl, well, actually, she was the one doing all the talking and I was just listening. Half-listening anyway because I was too busy admiring her hands. She was writing down notes and I thought, my how graceful the way her hands move. They look so soft and delicate. Well, as the elderly would tell you, if a lady has beautiful hands, then it just goes to show how well she can look after herself. And if you think the hands are beautiful, wait till you see the other parts of… well, you know what I mean. She was about to tell me her plans for lunch when I looked up to meet her gaze. She has beautiful eyes. Warm, mysterious and glistening. I, of course, could only hold it for a split second. Then out of the blue she raises her hand and jokingly reported to the trainer that I had purposely hit her with a rolled up piece of paper for no apparent reason. Which I did, afterwards, just as she provided me the reason to do so.

That is Kat. My most dysfunctional partnership in class ever. But I do love her company.

Return to the Ascott

It has been quite a while. Probably close to a month but I finally made a return… to Jes’ Ascott!! Man, I was so happy. It felt like a homecoming. And this time I checked-out the pool area and it is da’ bomb! It’s on the 22nd floor and located on an open-air plateau. Breathtaking is one way to describe it. You have the serenity, the perched-up breeze and an awesome 180 degree view of the city. Then you have the Jacuzzi and it’s placed right at the edge of the building. So you’d be like chillin’ there and overlooking Jalan Sultan Ismail, having a chilled drink and bubbles would be rising up from underneath your arse. You could almost imagine yourself being Richard Branson entertaining Mariah Carey. It was then and there that I decided that the next time I’ll be there, I’d bring my shorts, and bask under the sun, preferably with Jes.

Hot Chicks on a Monday

How often can you say that you had an awesome Monday? Almost never. Excluding when the Mondays are public holidays. Well, I had one today. An awesome Monday. The sole reason being, for the whole day, from morning ‘til night, I have been blessed with constant viewing of hot women. Particularly hot women wearing knee-length skirts. God, how I love those.

In the morning, my hot Punjabi BITS classmate decided for the first time ever to come to class today wearing a skirt. And damn, I tell you she got some beautiful legs. Then, in the afternoon when I went to Damansara Uptown to attend my interview at Deloitte, hot women were literally everywhere. No big surprise, right? But the best bit of all when my interviewer for the day was one hot chick. She may be the Senior Manager of Human Resource but damn, man, she’s sooo HOT! She wore this black suit with the short skirt and all and she has this long black hair, a fair complexion which made her red luscious lips looked so tantalizing it almost tasted like raspberry. I actually stuttered at the beginning because I couldn’t concentrate because of this overwhelming aura she was emitting I tell you, she is one lady boss that I would definitely wouldn’t mind working for.

Then I went to have a late lunch at Chili’s 1 Utama while catching up with a bit of my studies for the ACCA Progress Test later that evening when a group of hot ladies walked in while I was stuffing myself. Then, a few moments later, one of them had to take a call and as she strode past my table to go outside, her thighs and the way she walked vividly reminded me of Beyonce. She could be the sizzling steak for all I care.

Then when I was about to leave PAAC later that night after completing my progress test, my eye caught another student in the hallway and damn, y’all, she too hot. She was reading something on the notice board and I thought, damn, she’s Sazzy, Fasha and Natasha Hudson all rolled into one. It almost made me fell sorry to go back home. I actually had second thoughts you know but my legs were already killing me.

Then just a while ago, I was at Lotus, chilling out with the guys and guess what? There were still a few hot chicks loitering around. A nice ending to a what was supposed to be a soul wrenching opening to the week.

Pehaps A Little Too Emotional

I’m in such a mess right now. Creative wise. I have been running dry on ideas for weeks. It’s sort of déjà vu all over again. The last time this sort of thing happened, I went uninspired for two whole months. It was terrible. I thought that writing that questionnaire thingy ought to give me some sort of a push but no. It kept me entertained, yes, but only for two days. Then I’m stuck in the rut once again. It’s not that nothing much has happened. My life was been very enjoyable as of late. I went so Sg. Badai, I saw PGL The Musical, I went to Sepang, I watched the BMW Heritage Cars show with Jes, I went nasi lemak hunting last Saturday at Kampung Baru with Aritha, Sasa and Apau before joining up with the boys at Spicy Hartamas. But when I got home, sitting in front of this computer, compose one paragraph, then I thought “Fuck that’s boring”. So I exited Word without saving and went on switching on the television to watch Keith Floyd on Travel and Living. In the end, I decided to write about my uninspiredness and I’m not sure that word even exists.

So let’s just blurbs a few topics, shall we? I came across this interview with Datuk Nazir Razak in the NST last Sunday which I find a very interesting read. I aspire to be a man of his stature one day. A man of few words and yet, revered among his colleagues for the work he has done and not just because he knows how to talk in front of a camera. Not that he’s bad at it at any way. Tagged as the country’s top banker by NST and according to the interview I already found a thing that we both have in common. We’re both big Chelsea fan.

Speaking of Chelsea, I think it was John O’Shea who said that Chelsea has surpassed Man Utd as the most hated team in England. Along with all the controversy and how the media labeled Mourinho as being a sore loser, who wouldn’t agree? But I find a silver lining in all of this. Amid all this, you will find that the current Chelsea fans are truly the true and loyal Chelsea fans. No wannabes, no posers, no glory-hunters will be found amongst us. We’re the same people who kept supporting the team even when Charlton got a last minute winner against us and we got thrown out of Europe by an unknown Swiss team just a few years back. Not the ones that claim to be avid fans since a certain Russian billionaire took over the club and turned David Beckham down because he simply won’t fit into the system. For that I am proud. Cheers.

I love the idea of the movie 1957. I think it’s just novel. Also the Mahsuri project. Finally our film industry is moving into the right direction. I just had enough of skanky movies with the word ‘cinta’ in the title. There are just too many of them and none of them are remotely good. The money spent on making them is better donated to a charity somewhere in Mongolia. And I truly adore how they are marketing Gubra. It just says, “A Yasmin Ahmad Film – Gubra” and a picture of Sharifah Amani and Ng Cheong Soong in a melancholic embrace. No silly caricatures, no bold statements such “Filem Sensasi 2006!” or “Dibintangi oleh Danny X-Factor and Kaer AF2”. Newsflash people – we Malaysians are smart people and we know quality when we see it. Which is why Proton better stop fuckin’ around and make a car which electric windows would still work after two weeks it has left the showroom.

Have you seen the idiotic protests in front of KLCC every Friday afternoon disputing the price hike in petrol? I mean, what are they planning to achieve anyway by protesting? Do they really think that the government will look at them and say, “Uh duh, looks like the people ain’t happy. We better put things back the way they were,”. Wake up and smell the coffee, people. Do you think the government is raising the oil prices whimsically? It’s called globalization and world economics. If you don’t know what that means then I suggest you go back to the office and start doing your job that your employers hired you to do in the first place and not wasting time and energy doing things that would shame your country in the eyes of the foreign visitors who come to see our beautiful country. That is called productivity. At least you’ll be doing something good despite your ignorance. It’s amazing how I know Malaysians are bright and brilliant people but some can be really stupid at times.

Unemployment rate is 20% in France and young people are protesting about it in Paris. Now, that’s a reason to be unhappy about. Not because Datuk K is declining to comment any further. I thought the unemployment situation here is bad enough. I cannot imagine what is going on in France. I’ve been in the unemployment market for quite some time now and I think it’s fortunate for me to still have my dreams and ambitions well etched within me. I have seen and met people who because of the lack of job opportunities out there, the situation has eaten into their dreams and hopes. They simply just want to survive in this fast-paced world. Gone the ambitions of being successful and actually making a difference in the world. And these are the bright ones, I tell you. The statistics say unemployed graduates are about 60 000. These people I’ve met are probably are in the top 10 000 and it saddens me. Where are those kids who wished to be a scientist or an astronaut one day? Somehow they faded out along the way. It’s tragic. You what to talk about problems? About issues? Then here it is. Not how much the new Civic is going to cost in the next coming months.

On a lighter note, let’s talk about those little things that people hang onto their rear windows by the means of suction cup like the ones that resembles a road sign that says ‘Don’t follow me. I’m lost too’. That’s quite funny. Or is that a sticker? Anyway, there are other examples which are quite amusing like the one I saw earlier today. It says ‘Beware! Expensive to repair’. But there are a few lame ones like ‘If you think the car is cute, wait till you see the driver’. Not really funny, nor cute for that matter. But one that annoys me most is the one that says ‘VIP – Very Important Princess’. Now, let me ask you something, you’re not really that important if you have to tell people that you are, aren’t you? More so if you’re a so-called princess. Ladies, please avoid this. If you do have this and some guy compliments how cute it is, he’s lying. It’s nowhere near as cute and he’s just saying that because he wants to impress you and get into your pants. Men are so predictable. If it’s not about sex, it’s about food. Nothing else.

Now, imagine this, it’s the morning rush hour. Stop and go traffic. You come to an intersection. Everybody’s being selfish. Lingering in the yellow box even though the green light had already turned red about 2 minutes ago. Then you have the proverbial motorcyclists slithering around between cars and then, one of them came beside your car, lost his balance and hit your car. You heard the sound of impact, feeling almost certain that at least a mark has been left. But even before you can honk your horn, the damn motorcyclist had gone faster than you can even blink. No apologies, let alone to help and access the damage together and not even an apologetic look. Sped off like nothing had happened and pretending to be as innocent as a fuckin’ baby. You, meanwhile, still stuck in the slow moving traffic, don’t have the luxury to actually stop and step out of the car to see for yourself whether any serious mark had been made. Half an hour later, arriving at your destination, praying that your worries for the last 30 minutes was for nothing, got out of your car, walk around to the spot and found not one but two 30 cm long scratch etched into the paintwork. Then you find yourself cursing and swearing all alone at the car park and kicking little rocks all by yourself. It’s bloody annoying, isn’t it? That’s exactly what happened to Valerie today. And my hatred for motorcyclists is further entrenched. And this is not a one off incident. How many motorcyclists do you think that if the same thing happens again would actually stop, apologize, and compensate for his mistake? I would dare to bet RM1000 that the answer to that is none. Let me tell you something, if they’re riding a motorcycle to work everyday then that would mean they couldn’t afford a car in the first place, wouldn’t it? So should they ruin the paintwork on someone else’ car, then, chances are, they’re probably couldn’t afford to pay for that too now would they? Do you think I’m being judgmental here? You fuckin’ right I am! They make people like me suffer damages as a consequence of their idiotic mistakes! How incredibly innocuous is that!? Now listen here you fuckin’ motorcyclists, I know for a fact that you’re dirt poor, so be a fuckin’ decent user of the road and act like it! Because I know you’re probably couldn’t even afford to pay a new bulb for my taillight. Hell, even yours’ not working. Go figure. And my car is a 10 year plus Toyota. I couldn’t imagine if it happens to someone’s brand new E90. He’d be beyond pissed.

Up to that point, I was listening to Running Away by Hoobstank and I was happy because although it has a sad theme to it, I think it’s a great song. Then that lancau lahanat anak setan bangang punye mat rempit, trying to be clever despite his IQ is the equivalent that of a newt, squeezed his way through and incidentally left a scar on Valerie. I hope you meet with an accident one day that involves a 10 wheeler trailer and both your legs will get squashed beyond repair under the crushing weight of the monstrous vehicle. If I were there, I would definitely laugh until I wet my pants. Dear God, please make the person who scratched my car suffer in life in every possible way. If he’s married, please make his wife cheat on him with his best friend, who’s also happen to be fucking his daughter. Incest? Haha, to me it just rhymes with Justice.

Ah, so much negative energy. I’m sorry to end this on a bitter note. I’ll try to make the next entre a happy one. It’s just the day got off to a very bad start. It literally affected my whole mood for the day.

It’s Champions League night. To all football fans, enjoy your football and I’m putting my money that Benfica will advance to the Final. You read it here first. Cheers.

Tagged, Flagged and Everything That Goes With It

2 hot women by the name of Aritha and Sasa tagged me - booyah!

4 Jobs
*I’m fuckin’ unemployed, mate! But I am currently getting paid to learn English. Probably
one of the easiest money deriving activities I could ever have.
*Hopefully, in the not too distant future, AA2 at Deloitte KassimChan, yeah!
*Kaki Blogger
*Kaki Skodeng

4 Movies I Love
*The Godfather
*Silence of the Lambs
*Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
*The Usual Suspects

4 Places I Lived
*Kelana Jaya
*Bintulu
*Kuantan
*Gombak

4 TV Shows I Love to Watch
*Top Gear
*CSI
*House
*Little Britain

4 Places I’ve Been on Vacation
*Hawaii; Universal Studios, Hollywood; Golden Gate Bridge and Fisherman’s Wharf, San
Francisco
*Kuta Beach, Bali
*Manukan Island and Mamutik Island of the Tunku Abdul Rahman National Park, Kota
Kinabalu
*Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf outlet on top of Genting

4 Blogs I Visit Daily
*Sasa
*Zal
*Ity
*Aritha

4 Favorite Foods
*Chili’s Mushroom Jack Fajitas
*Nasi Beriani Gam Kambing Putrajaya
*Ikan bakar belakang Istana Negara
*Sotong goreng tepung at Pak Su Seafood Restaurant, Beserah

4 Places I’d Rather Be
*Jes’ room at The Ascott
*Tomok’s home where I could beat Nebu in Winning Eleven
*Stamford Bridge tomorrow night (March 22nd)
*Anywhere where I can get a good view of Lin’s chest

4 Albums I Can’t Live Without
*Maroon 5 1.22.03 Acoustic
*Incubus Morning View
*Ning Erti Pertemuan
*Kompilasi Lagu-lagu Melayu Tangkap Leleh oleh Badoque Productions

4 Vehicles I’ve Owned
I’ve never owned any of these but they’ve been put under my care, so to speak
*1990 5th Generation Toyota Celica aka Valerie
*1985 BMW 520i aka The Bone Shaker
*A 16-speed mountain bike which is now collecting rust and cat hair
*2005 Aston Martin DB9 (hopefully in my lifetime)

Additional 4 Things That I Want in Life Before 30
*A lavish, fully furnished apartment situated in the heart of KL with a breath-taking view of the
city where the doorman knows me by name and I have two hot lesbian couple as my next door
neighbour
*The ability to one day, walk into an Auto Bavaria showroom and tell the sales person, "I want
to buy a BMW," and be dead serious about it
*Nora Danish as my non-committal girlfriend
*A Swiss bank account

4 Taggees
*Saigot!Haha!
*Sape lagi ha?Aduh cani la jadinye bile dah jadi las skali. Semua pun dah buat
*Takde Idea
*Afdlin Shauki (haha cam dapat je)

Thursday Telly

Wehave our Malaysian version of Punk’d. It’s on NTV7 and hosted by Adlin Ramli aka Sultan Mahmud Melaka. I just saw I today. Quite interesting. The victim was Siti Sarah (correct ah spell her name like this?) and she was made to go through a practice session with a shortened microphone stand and the song rehearsed was intentionally played out of tune but she was getting the blame. But all the time she just smiled and never raised her voice. Just to show what a nice person she really is. Then it was Thursday Nite Live. A talk show with the style of Leno and Letterman but this time they actually come up with somebody proper to act as the host. It’s Harith Iskandar. I think it’s still brand new because the guests today were Afdlin and Ning. Two very close friends of his. It’s quite good although it’s obvious it needs a wide range of improvements. Catch them if you can. But next week la. This is free TV. No repeat repeat one. No Super Sunday slot at the end of the week. Have to wait la. Besides, it’s Thursday. What else is there on TV? If you want to see koalas mating on Animal Planet then go ahead la, I won’t stop you.

Haiyah, so lazy to continue. Eh where’s my chocolate bar ah?

Beep-ed

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

Those lines have been playing in mind a lot lately. This is because everyday, without fail, I hear the song at least once on Fly. And it doesn’t help that it’s catchy. It’s not like I could sing it out loud in a lift. I might as well be walking around in a skirt.

Ooh I found something interesting in my inbox today – an email from Afdlin Shauki! It’s probably a generic email but it did started off with a ‘Oits Faizad Swanky’ salutation so that made me happy enough. You see, I subscribed to his Projek Hilang Akal a few months back but was unlucky not to receive a free copy of his Fuyoo CD. Ah no worries. I always support him. At least I went to see Buli Balik and Cilok at the cinemas rather than downloading it or buy the pirated DVD version. Anyway he’s promoting his Projek Hilang Akal 2 in which he set up an online store, I think, selling stuff like t-shirts and, oh you just check it out at his blog page. There’s a link at the side.

Oh crap it’s still another day tomorrow. And I have been pleading to Jes almost everyday to menyibuk at her Ascott room but to no avail. She rejected me every time. Ah sangapnye.

PGL The Musical. I enquired about it last Monday and guess what? Sold out (duh!). I mean totally till the end of the run on Feb 26. Then they decided to extend it a further 2 days more. A glimmer of hope maybe? That too sold out in less than 3 hours. It makes me wonder, is the show that good or are we Malaysians desperate for a different form of entertainment these days? Oh well, I guess it’s still GSC and TGV for me at the moment.

Audit, audit, audit…

Jes' Ascott

Jes is from Penang. But Jes is working in Sarawak. However, right now, she is stationed at KLCC and her current residence for the next 5 months is at The Ascott. Oh yes, The Ascott. And her most frequent guest is me.

Last year Ity came to KL to help with an exhibition that her company was participating in that was held at the Convention Centre. And for the few days that she was here, she got to stay at The Ascott. As expected, I tried my luck to get her to let me visit her upstairs. But since she had a roommate, my efforts were futile. Inappropriate and everything. An opportunity missed. So I guessed I just had to wait for Ity’s next visit for my next shot. Which is why it made me so happy after finding out Jes’ situation.

I knew Jes is to stay at KL for the next 5 months but all the while I assumed she was staying with her sister at Kota Damansara. The delightful revelation came when Apau, Tomok, Nebu and I decided to go for a movie last Friday. While the rest decided to stop by at TAR College for dinner at nasi lemak d bomb, I came straight from my ACCA class, which ended about 9.30 pm, to KLCC. To ease my impending boredom upon their arrival, Tomok suggested I persuade Jes to join us.

“Jes? Where is she now?” still at the office?
“She’s at The Ascott,”
“The as… The Ascott!?”

A quick call to Jes and 10 minutes later I was lounging at her living room, 32 storeys up. It was awesome. Just simply awesome. And no, she has no roommates. Darby Park is probably slightly more lavish but I have no complains with Ascott. What can I say? It’s a luxurious fully-furnished apartment. It’s spacious, comfortable, the whole range of Astro channels, a Sony TV, a Sony DVD player, a Sony Stereo and it’s on the 32nd floor. Just 1 floor below the penthouse. The view was second to none. I could’ve stayed there all night just chillin’. It almost made me feel sorry to leave for the movie.

Later that night, the last thing I thought about before going to bed was The Ascott. The first thing that hit my mind the next morning when I woke up was The Ascott. The whole day at class I only thought about The Ascott. Aah~The Ascott. Surely enough, by the time it was 5, I just had to drop by again.

At first I though I was going to check out the pool area located on the 22nd floor (nak
tengok mat salleh chillin’ kat tepi pool). But the sofa was sooo nice, I even dozed off a while. Sorry ah, mok. Terpaksa beksteb sikit. Layan duh bilik Jes. But I couldn’t stay for the night (even though it was incredibly tempting) as I decided to join Tomok and the gang at OU. A little boys night out.

I though about visiting Jes again on Sunday but since she had to go out during the day and her bedtime is around 9, the trip wouldn’t be worth it. So I guess that’s it for the week. Next weekend she plans to go back to Penang. So I guess the next time I can come again is many, many days more-lah. But no worries. She is available until July. Haih, Jes is going to be so muak seeing my face.

February 14th

There are supposed to be at least two prefects to monitor the school’s office hallway. To prevent other children from running around and make unnecessary noises around the area during recess time. It was at SRK Gombak 1 and I was one of those prefects. I was 9 years-old and my partner for the day was a brown-haired girl with blue eyes who went by the name of Lily. I suspect her to be of a Eurasian descent because I never did ask her because the term was unknown to me back then.

She was already lovely back then. But since we were both 9, the feeling of affection never came naturally to us. I merely viewed her as a colleague. Now, years later in 2006, how I wish to meet her once again. I’m still hoping for that dream to come true, now and again. I could only imagine the 24 year old version of Lily. She must be absolutely gorgeous, with her delicate smile and contagious laugh. She would’ve been every boy’s dream. Sadly, my memory only stretches as far back to standard 3 because by the time I reached 10, my whole family had to move to Kuantan. And there, I was enrolled to an all-boys school because it was one of the top schools in the district. Sure enough, I got 4As in my UPSR, which led me to SAS, one of the top schools in the country but also an all-boys school. During all the important development years of my life I have spent in at all-boys schools. Imagine if I had co-ed all this time. I would have been some Casanova. It’s true. Even during those Lily days, she and I were always on good terms. And I had very friendly relationships with all of her friends. Oh how much would I give to be still in touch with Lily. She might have been my first crush but it took me years to realize that. But do I actually regret about sacrificing a what-might-have-been to pursue a better education? No, I could not. No one can. How could anyone substitute good education for a childhood fling? It’s just unthinkable. In my case, it just has to be classified as being unfortunate. Life isn’t fair. As far as Lily is concerned, she is probably someone’s wife by now. Or even mother. There are other fishes in the sea. True. But you always had that revisiting memory of that one that got away.

My little story for today. Happy Valentine’s Day.

The Theater of Saloma

Last night I went to dine at Saloma Theater Restaurant. After years of pondering the possibility, the opportunity finally presented itself. My mother was to entertain dignitaries from WHO on behalf of the Health Ministry. As so, she decided to bring along her two sons to keep her company. So, there we were, my brother and me, along with Kak Cahaya, sitting a few tables away from where my mother and her entourage were.

Ambience wise, Saloma does look and feel nice. It does well combining 1950s design and modern day comfort. We booked dinner for the international buffet with the cultural show by the Saloma dancers.

The dinner was satisfactory to say the least. It is better than Seri Angkasa at Menara KL, if I may say so. It is coined ‘international’ but it was more of a Malaysian variety. Apart from the spaghetti and French pastries, you have your usual rendang, satay and 4 different types of kerabu. But the main attraction, of course, is the cultural show.

For me, as a Malaysian, it wasn’t really something to shout about but the foreigners were absolutely loving it. Video cameras, digital cameras, camera phones, you name it. They were all snapping and recording. The show is to go on while the patrons were enjoying the meal so since people normally are unlikely to spend more than a half hour having dinner, they have a tight schedule because they have to finish by the time the people are done eating. So it was a quick show. They were all sorts of dances. From Kuda Kepang to Zapin, from Indian dances to Portuguese. It was towards the end of the show, when most people had already finished their meal, that the performers invite participation from the crowd. I have to admit it was quite clever. Not new but certainly clever. All in the name of promoting Malaysia. So after a few rounds of sumpit-ing and quick lessons on the Buluh dance, the Saloma dancers topped it all off with the now customary Malaysia, Truly Asia song. The show ended at around 9.30 and with it the dinner and the event. Everybody started to leave and that was it. From my experience tonight, I can tell you two different views. One, if you’re Malaysian, Saloma would not offer anything new or different. It’s just another fancy restaurant. It could serve as a good family outing but for a date, it would spell disaster. Unless your partner really does enjoy cultural shows. That would mean she or he, is not Malaysian and that would be really impressive. Which brings me to my second view. If you have some foreigner friend coming from the States or Japan, then Saloma would be a very good choice. To them, it is something new and different rather than taking them to a fancy meal of truffles and foie gras which they could get them back home anyway. Just like what my mother did with those WHO people.

Now, I want to talk about When Harry Met Sally. It’s a classic and it’s been around for maybe more than ten years but I only managed to watch just right now. And they were right, it is a classic. It is probably the first movie that successfully tackled the romantic comedy genre and it did it by raising one of the most discerning issues between a man and a woman can have to this day – the platonic relationship. Billy Crystal quoted the final line from Casablanca as one of the best movie lines ever. But in the movie, he too said a memorable line too. “A man can never be friends with an attractive woman because sex always gets in the way”. It could not be said any better. Women would disagree with this and find it difficult to understand but ask any men and they would acknowledge some truth in that. And you just have the see the classic scene at the diner where Meg Ryan demonstrated to Billy Crystal how easy it is for a woman to fake an orgasm. By the time she finished moaning, a waiter was ready to take an order from the lady at the next table and she said, “I’ll have what she’s having,” Find the time and effort for it. It’s up there alongside Sleepless in Seattle. It’s one of those philosophical love stories. It’ll be worth it.

Now, Jessica Alba. 2.5 million people voted on Askmen.com and it’s a majority opinion that Jessica Alba is the most desirable girlfriend material out in the world there today. I couldn’t agree more. If money was no reason and in some cataclysmic way I could wish for anything in the world, I would love and be eternally grateful to even have a date with Ms. Alba, let alone have her as a girlfriend. And she beat some stiff competition. Anjelina Jolie, Sienna Miller and Eva Longoria to name a few. Even Anna Kournikova got bumped way down to number 99. One thing I do hope though for her, that she gets better movie roles because her debut film, Honey, was so terrible. It belongs there in the group along with You Got Served, Drumline and Bring It On. Pointless movies. The only movie that was worse is Yamakasi but that’s French so that doesn’t count. Thank goodness there’s Fantastic Four and Into The Blue. To Jessica Alba, the only thing that would go well with whipped cream apart from ice-cream.

Now, about Richard Quest. Quest is a CNN correspondent and is the only man working at the network that I like. He hosts the show Quest and Talking Movies. I managed to catch him on television on two occasions. One when he was interviewing Hugh Hefner, celebrating his 75th anniversary of his Playboy magazine, I think and he asked the most interesting of questions. My favorite was, “Do you have as much sex as people has perceived you do?”. Hefner gave out a small laugh. He didn’t actually answer the question but he did point out that he currently has 3 girlfriends, all Playmates, and they all live happily in the Playboy mansion. And that’s the toned down version of Hugh Hefner because he added that at one point he had 7 girlfriends and he admitted that it was a tough job. Towards the end Quest made it known that Mr. Hefner is probably the luckiest man alive and every man in the world is envy of his position. I’m one of them.

The second time I saw Quest was when he did a piece on the current state of theater. In that he met with Kevin Spacey. A brilliant actor and the reason you’re seeing less of him in Hollywood movies because he’s doing what he feels gives him more purpose and personal growth – become the artistic director of the Old Vic, one of the oldest theaters in London. He would still do movies here and there but between theater work and not the other way around, as the popular choice would normally be. Then Quest went on and interviewed theater critics from London and New York, talked to Andrew Lloyd Webber and his phenomenal Phantom, and the Blue Man group and Broadway legend Chita Rivera.

The tone of the ‘quest’ is that the theater scene is dying. Problem is, it’s always been like that. The theater is always dying but never did. People say that going to the theater is a fading trend. But the truth is things have been quite well. Broadway and places like the Old Vic and the Palladium have been receiving a good stream of crowds. And despite people believing otherwise, the theater scene is alive and well. Which brings me to our local theater scene.

People are concerned about the supposedly declining state of theater in places like New York and London, which have been the home of plays and musicals ever since theater began. Compare to the Malaysian scene, I have to admit, we are still in its infancy. Not until a few years ago, going to the theater is becoming a cool trend. Just a few days ago, a lecturer of mine asked his students for suggestions for his Valentine’s Day date. He thought about taking her to dinner but since she’s a vegetarian, the night could turn out to be a distasteful one. So I gave the suggestion of taking her to the theater and he said, “Why didn’t I though of that?”. He was pleased with the idea. I was particularly pleased with myself because in line with Chita Rivera’s motto, I have inspired another into the world of theater. Chita Rivera had said that one of her most powerful motivations to perform on stage for the past decades is that in every show, there is that one person who is a first-time visitor and if she could inspire that one person to enjoy the show that night and make him come back for another, her mission was accomplished. Which is what happened to me when watching But That’s Another Story. I know it’s a stand up comedy rather than a proper theater presentation but nevertheless the experience has inspired me to come for more. Although financial constraints has come into consideration in more times than one. Which made me having serious thoughts about PGL The Musical lately. I would like to ask my mother but she has this personal dislike towards Tiara Jacquelina ever since she stole laki orang. So, interesting developments awaits in the next few days. Watch this space.

Cheers.

My Big Red Chinese New Year

Gong Xi Fa Cai! I know it’s a bit late but I would’ve wished it sooner if it wasn’t for Streamyx (what a bunch of cocksters).

Anyway, my last 10 days or so has been very enthralling and indulging. I don’t think I’m up for writing everything in detail so I’ll just KISS (keep it short & simple).

It all began on Friday, January the 27th. Everything was fine for me but it was a different story for my youngest brother, Fawwaz. The long Chinese New Year holidays are coming up so Friday was the day everyone at boarding schools nationwide was to pack and leave for home. KUSESS was no exception. Like any 15 year old, he decided to have a slight detour first before heading home. A couple of friends and him decided for Mid Valley. That was fine. Then, about 6 pm, I was at home and my mother just got back from the office and we received a distressing call from my brother saying he was mugged. He was calling from the Pantai Police Station. Since it was my mother who answered the phone, everything suddenly went hysterical. Drama, drama, drama. I, on the other hand, had to postpone giving Valerie a carwash. I’m not sure why I was so calm upon hearing the news. Probably the fact that the phone call came from a police station rather than a hospital assured me that as of that moment, everything was fine.

Since it was rush hour, it took us about an hour to reach Pantai. As expected my brother was fine. But my mother, being a mother couldn’t help but be worried sick. Surprising story though, one of the muggers was caught. Yes, caught and yes, there was more than one. And he got away. The one caught could be seen squatting at the corner, handcuffed at the back. He had the standard kutu jalan face. Hardly deserve a place in society.

The story was my brother was originally attempted to be conned by those two men. Supposedly by officers of authority. The ayat pancing was that my brother was displaying elements of black metal influence in his clothing. He just happens to be wearing a Swatch watch that had the anarchy symbol printed all over the strap. It was understandably a valid reason at first but somewhere along the way my brother detected something was amiss. But this was only after his handphone was ‘seized’ by the first conman and had gone out of sight. The second conman, or I would prefer to call him ‘the dumb apprentice’ had the nerve to demand that my brother emptied his pockets, which includes his wallet, a Sony Digicam and a Creative MuVo. As the second man started to walk away, my brother followed behind. Sensing too that his cover has blown, he tried to dismiss my brother away. When that didn’t worked, he hit my brother, right in the face. And surprisingly my brother confronted him, presumably pissed off. A struggle ensues and now, the thief, tried to ran away. My brother gave chase, of course. And it was a long one. Almost as near to the Pantai Police Station. For those of you who don’t know, it’s near the Putra LRT Kerinchi stop. That is quite some way from Mid Valley, I can tell you. He finally stumbled upon a crowd and was apprehended with the help from the public. And this was near a bus stop somewhere far. The people at Mid Valley hardly gave any care. They were too busy cuddling with their bitches.

So, wallet, MP3 player and digicam retrieved but handphone lost. The dumb apprentice caught but sleazy mentor escaped. All that’s left was one upset 15 year old. This is one thing nobody needed to start off the long holidays. But he’s safe and that’s most important.

However, since a suspect was caught my brother had to make a statement to the Investigating Officer at the Brickfields District Police Headquarters. We had dinner first but even after then, we had to wait a long time for the IO because there are other cases he had to handle as well. So, while waiting, my mother, being a woman and all, just had to tell everybody what had happened. Sounding the alarm bells a little too hastily to be honest. Sure enough, my grandmother came. And so did some of my uncles and aunts. It was becoming a little family gathering at the IO’s office. I was quite amused seeing the bewilderment on the officer’s face at the sudden rush of people coming in.

The official business was over soon after but now everyone wanted to know all the details. So since the headquarters’ parking lot wasn’t the ideal place to have a chat, we all headed down to Devi’s Corner at Bangsar for an unplanned family get together while having a late night supper.

The clock ticked long into the night as I even had to delay my attendance to the mesyuarat tergempar (more on this later on) at Pelita KL. The family gathering ended about at 1 am. It had already been a long day so I was kind of glad when we finally reached home at about half an hour later. I took a refreshing shower and was already getting ready for bed when I remembered my mates at Pelita. So I gave a quick call, telling them I probably won’t make it. But they were having none of it. They were there since 11 and they still felt the night was still young. So I thought, what the hell. I grabbed my keys, wallet and phone, started the car and off to Jalan Ampang.

I arrived maybe a little half past 2 and 3 out of my 4 mates were still there. The other one had to call it a day. The purpose of the mesyuarat tergempar was to discuss the Genting plan. 7 young men on a would-be awesome trip to Genting. Leaving all the stress and girlfriends behind for awhile. It was bound to be a success. It had fun and joy written all over it. The meeting that night was to discuss the final details pertaining to the trip. What time do we move, whose car will we be using, who gets to ride with who and so on. But being guys we ended up discussing everything else but Genting. For starters, when I arrived I told the story about what happened with my brother and why I was at Brickfields when they called me. One topic led to another and we strayed time and again, but the topic that was the supposedly the purpose of the so called meeting. By around 3, the clubbing people started to arrive so now we couldn’t help ourselves but cuci mata on all the lovely amois. There’s even a group of women who sat at the table next to ours and boy did they smelt good.

Everyone finally admitted to being sleepy at about 4 something which was when we decided to head home for some shut eyes. The Genting plan was to be executed the next day, by the way but as far as the meeting was concerned, nothing was decided. We were as clueless as we were before. But those lean amoi legs was definitely worth something. As for me, well, I was still undecided since that terrible thing with my brother. I wasn’t sure it was proper for me to leave for a fun trip while the mood in the house wasn’t exactly the best. It was almost dawn when I got home. The world was waking up and I was calling it a night.

I woke up at about 11 and surprised to find the house empty. Then I found out the rest of the family, except for my father, went out for a movie. Guess the mood wasn’t so bad after all. Genting plan seemed good to go. So after a final few calls here and there, the bandwagon finally arrived to pick me up. The bandwagon came in the form of a 2005 CRV, courtesy of Macho@Muchas@Machiko, my former head boy. Cipoi was to join us later on his own. It was finally a settled party of 6. That’s Muchas, Watai, Bulu, Ridhu, Cipoi and yours truly Badoque. It was about 3 when we left my home which was the final pickup point. But we got onto the highway only at 5.30pm due to some pointless but necessary stops we had to make.

Among the 6, I was the most recent visitor to Genting. The rest haven’t been to Uncle Lim’s playground since they were in primary school. So it wasn’t surprising to see them become hysterically excited even at the mere sight of the resort, halfway up the hills. To saviour every moment, we even stopped at the pagoda you can find at the middle of the journey. There was nothing there but it’s amazing what a bunch of ‘kids’ can turn that into somewhat a fun experience.

We arrived, tremendously giggly, at the top at about 7. We checked in at First World, cheapest room available, of course. The target of the night was simple. To chill until 4 am, no matter what. So after a tasteless dinner, we came back to our room just to freshen up before we went out again and pledge ourselves not to return until bedtime i.e. 4 o’clock. For starters we just went around the indoor theme park. Luckily there was a little autoshow on and I get to have a close-up view of a royal blue 550 Barchetta and get behind the driver’s seat of an X5 (keys were not in the ignition, sadly). Aside from that, the indoor park was pretty docile. Only the lights were the only form of attraction. So we went chillin’ outside for awhile, near the Flying Coaster ride, or as we like to call it, the Spider-man ride. You see, we had this stupid game going on where for no logical reason, our outing that night had us wearing nothing but plain T-shirts. No sweaters, jackets or long-sleeves whatsoever. Nak tengok sape paling tahan sejuk konon. At one point we opted to walk out in the open air to Genting Hotel instead of using the warmer indoor route. What a bunch of stupid kids but none of us would admit it.

(front to back) Ridhu, Me, Cipoi, Bulu and Watai. Notice that all of us wore nothing but plain T-shirts (except for Cipoi, who cheated by wearing a jacket)

When we arrived at the center square i.e. in front of Genting Hotel, we noticed some of the staff were hanging those long red strips of firecrackers on each of the flag poles in front of the hotel lobby. Then we remembered it was Chinese New Year’s Eve and sure enough, those firecrackers will be lit at the stroke of midnight. Since it was still more than an hour away, we decided to head back for a drink at Starbucks (one of the sub-objectives of the night). I, for one, got the chance to relax as my feet are killing me. So we killed time like we normally do – talking and having a few laughs. When it was about time we get a move on back to central square and by the time we got there, it was already crowded. Talk about word of mouth. While waiting for the clock to strike twelve, we had the chance to view a lot of nice amoi legs. Most of them are going to have one hell of a good time tonight, that’s for sure. Just not with us. Then suddenly the first firecracker went off. It was a rapid series of loud explosions and the crowd loved it. They were about 12 poles, I think, but they only light one at a time. Two the most. At random pick. It was quite engaging. And it was loud. You can’t hear yourself talking.

When the last firecracker finally gave its last burst, the crowd gave a roaring applause but they were caught surprised when they found out the show was yet to be over when the sky suddenly came into life with an awesome fireworks display. It just like the ones you get at KLCC when it’s New Year’s Eve or Merdeka Day. But this was better. The air was cool, you’re not stuffed by a huge crowd and the displays are really just above your heads. So there we were, celebrating Chinese New Year with Uncle Lim.

After the show we went back inside and went loitering around once more. But this time we separated for awhile. Muchas and me decided to check out the sports bar and watch Bolton vs Arsenal. The rest went somewhere else. I was bored because the match was so dull and I nearly fell asleep. At half-time we decided to leave as the place was getting deserted. The group got back together and for a final fling, we decided to go for a snack. One thing good about Genting is that the fast food outlets never close so that’s where we went – a Burger King joint. We were not going to eat in, where’s the fun in that? It had to be somewhere outside – al fresco style. So we went scourging the area and finally settled near the bus terminal. Just because it had proper seats and near to our hotel. Since it was about 3 am, the place was relatively quiet. Armed with our warm junkfood, we once again went into chillin’ mode. But once in a while, a strong breeze came and everyone just locked up almost in unison. It was like a cruel joke from the Ice Queen. But the fog was a welcome sight. Another milestone was achieved when we finally able to gust out puffs of white air from our mouths. Ha macam orang putih. We were clearly delighted.

We finished our late snack at about close to 4. Walking down the corridor on our way to our room, we noticed a lot of the doors had a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging on the knobs. One can only guess what is going on behind those doors. A lot of huffing and puffing, not to mention moaning, I can tell you that.

Everybody went asleep right about before 4. So in a way, mission accomplished.

We woke up surprisingly early, about 9 in the morning. After a good morning bath, we all packed up as we want to check out straightaway. Less hassle that way.

As for breakfast, it was Egg McMuffin all around. Yeah, breakfast of champions. That day was the day of reckoning. It’s outdoor park day. So after a good morning walk we paid the RM36 for our one-day outdoor pass.

The first target – The Space Shot, or more commonly known as The Solero Shot. Seriously, I don’t know where the name came from. But since only Cipoi and myself were the only one that have ever to taste the Solero, we were considered compulsory candidates. The rest just told us of how harrowing their past experiences had been. But somehow Watai decided to join Cipoi and me for the ride. Sweet and kind? Or just maybe stupid and crazy. For me, I was already dreading the decision the moment I lined up.

The screams from the patrons before me didn’t help quease my fears. When our turn came I was almost in a nervous wreck. The moment I was strapped in my seat I regretted every single decision that had me led to this. As the platform was raised to the top slowly there was nothing much I could do except pray. Pray that I don’t die of a heart attack. Then the ‘clang’ sound came and I was dangling almost 100 feet in the air. The view was beautiful. You could see a huge portion of the hills below and how small those go-karts look. All this while, of course, my heart was pumping at three times its normal rate, waiting for the inevitable. Watai, on my left and being the idiot that he is, gave out a 3-2-1 countdown. Twice. But nothing happened. Just when he about to start another one, it was freefall. I just locked. The speed was too quick for me to even react or even scream. I could barely remember the strong air turbulence coming from below. It was when we reached down for the first jolt that I could collect my thoughts, and let out a loud swear that I think the whole park would have heard. As I went bopping up and down I let all my regret be known to world. Screaming and cursing all the way. By the time the ride was over I was a mess, physically and mentally. And I was panting. For the first time ever, I felt an insufficient amount of adrenaline running through my blood. It took me quite a while to calm down and refocus my thoughts. After that, right, to the Corkscrew.

The Corkscrew doesn’t scare me as much because of two things. One, I’ve been on the scariest ride in the park so this should be second scariest at best. And two, I’ve been on it before, years ago when I was a little boy and I enjoyed it. So I was the most optimistic of the lot. But at the initial climb I felt fear building up again. I don’t remember the first climb to be this high aaaaahhhhhh!!

The G-forces of the ride felt more violent than before and I wondered why. It was when the world turned upside down that I realized I used to weigh a lot less when I was little boy. Now, with the added weight, well, Physics 101. But by the end, it was still a fun ride. And yes, the Solero was scarier.

We went about searching for the next ride and we came upon the Sg Rejang Flume Ride. The line was short but it was moving terribly slow because the ride itself was slow. When we got our own flumes, we had to dayung the damn thing just to increase the fun factor. There were two climbs during this ride and at first, we thought, ah cacing. Then we came to the first one and it was a slow 45-degree climb and we thought, oh shit, this ain’t gonna be nice. And sure enough, the downward speed was surprisingly quick and we all got soaked by the water splash at the bottom. By the second climb we were better prepared but still screamed because the second climb was higher than the first one.

After getting off with our wet shoes and hair, we set off to our next ride which caught our attention before we went on the flume ride – The Rolling Thunder Mine Train. I’ve been on this one before and so I know that this one is the most harmless of all coaster rides at Genting. No loops or huge dives, just a succession of sharp corners – which can be very fun the very least. And we did have fun. Everyone agreed it was the most enjoyable ride of all. Layan, layan.

For a final touch, we all chipped in for Macho to have a go at a little archery gig. You see, he used to be in the MSN programme at school but it had been years since he picked up a bow. But the rest of us wanted to see him in action for some sentimental reasons. We got him 15 arrows and yeah, he was rusty but did manage a bullseye in one attempt.

After that we just went back to our CRV and starter our descent. The Genting holiday was over. But after stuffing ourselves with junk food since the day before, we were all yarning for some descent food. So, by the time we reached down, we stopped at the first R&R and went for nasi campur. And, damn, was it good.

After a very satisfying lunch we went our separate ways. And the hot day made me felt like a Gremlin. More so after coming down from Genting. I didn’t break even a single sweat you know all my time up there.

Normally after a good trip such as that, you would like to take the time to kick back at home, to rejuvenate yourself. But this time no. That very night I had a futsal session with the boys, as always. But this time it was on a Sunday. Normally we would do it on a Friday. So the crowd was different. A lot more children and parents. Not like the usual crowd of teenagers and young adults.

I was expecting my performance to drop due to the trip fatigue and all but it was not to be. My team went about 4 times king, I think. So that was good, compared to a few weeks back when we had none. That was a night to forget.

The next day was nothing much except for my birthday dinner with my family. Initially my brother wanted to take us to Fatty Crab at Pandan Indah but to our dismay the outlet has closed shop. So we went to its main branch at Mines. But, surprise surprise, it was closed for Chinese New Year. So in a daring move we headed to Putrajaya. At first we stopped at Taman Pertanian Warisan or Agricultural Heritage Park. What’s interesting, at the middle of the Visitor’s Complex they’ve set up small cafes and restaurants which people can dine out in the open air. But after checking it out I deemed it score low in the variety section so the answer was no. Our next target was the Putrajaya Lake Club and after some complication looking for the damn place we found it. Just so you know, the signboards were confusing. The view is lovely but the food is average at best. But since it’s already late and everyone was obviously starving, we just picked a table and ordered. And the price was steep, unless you are a member. And since we don’t own a boat, it didn’t even crossed our minds to even apply.

So, Taman Warisan Pertanian is interesting if you plan to visit there during the day time and The Lake Club is hardly worth mentioning unless you have your own boat or yacht and live in Putrajaya.

Tuesday was spent buying the foodstuff for the family trip to Port Dickson the next day. One of my uncles works for UDA Holdings and he has reserved the two UDA bungalows at Teluk Kemang. We were to spend one night there, from the 1st February to the 2nd with my mother’s parents, two of my uncle’s families and the family of our own. So yeah, it was a big party. One of the main activities was to have an open air barbeque with the whole family and the Tuesday the 31st was spent preparing all the chickens, meat and lamb chops.

Come February I woke up with a bit of discomfort at the back of my right knee. A muscle strain, I thought. I could probably walk it off. Everybody was up early and making the final preparations. You see, it’s different. A trip with your mates you only need 10 minutes to get ready but with the whole family, you need hours at least.

We finally got going at about 11 am. But since I went out the night before watching Buli Balik (and may I add that it was the most satisfying experience I ever had coming out of a cinema after watching a local movie since Fenomena) and chilled afterwards at Pelita Subang until about 2 am, I dozed off by the time we hit Jalan Tun Razak. My right leg was still killing me though. It was fine when I’m sitting down. It just hurts when I try to stand up straight. Oh well.

We arrived at Teluk Kemang at around 1 pm. But we had to wait until the previous occupants vacant the bungalows. Until then, we decide to refresh ourselves with a bit of minum-minum. It was when I stepped out of the car that I realized my pain has worsened. I cannot fully extend my right leg. I had to walk like a Dr. House but problem is I don’t have a cane so my movement was really slow and awkward. But the pain was still bearable.

At around 3 we finally managed to move into the bungalows and it was impressive. It wasn’t luxurious but it has loads of space. The rooms were huge and air-conditioned. It has got Astro and a DVD player. And the Astro unit is connected to another TV upstairs. That’s good or bad depends on how you look at it. Outside, the lawn is lovely, equipped with its very own barbeque place and those round cement tables and chairs with the umbrella sticking out in the middle of it.

Since it’s too early and too hot to venture out onto the beach, we all stayed in for the meantime. As for me, well, the car nap wasn’t good enough to satisfy my sleep craving. And what better way to relieve that with a good bed in an air-conditioned room. I had a good two hours.

By the time I wake up I was jolted by pain. The throbbing at the back of my right knee was truly getting worse. I even had trouble getting out of bed. As I made my way to the sofa outside one disturbing thought occurred to me – could it be gout all over again? Oh no. That will almost certainly ruin my PD holiday. It couldn’t be. Gout usually happens around the thumbs and toes, not the knees. Besides my pain wasn’t coming from the joint. It was coming from behind it. As I try to rest my leg and hoping it to become better, many things cross my mind. The most often one was how I want to go to the beach that evening. Coming to PD without dropping by the beach? You’ve got to be kidding me. As I sat there contemplating my choices, the pain wasn’t getting any better. Until I realized I could barely move anymore because the pain was just too overwhelming. I tried to stand by holding onto to something but that too proved to be torturing. So in the end I gave in and called for help. I needed my cousins’ help just to get downstairs but it was incredibly painful all the while. I was staring at a ruined holiday right in the face. By this time people are already barbeque-ing and boy was the smell good. I would love to help but in that state I was pretty much immobile. After the food was ready, people had to bring the food to me. Bring me water and seconds. It made me look like a king but it felt rather embarrassing. My parents were to take me to the hospital after dinner and so they did.

And since it was a Government hospital we had to wait a long time. Since I made it known that I was experiencing pain even when I’m doing nothing, the attendant gave me two pills of PONSTAN painkillers. It reduced the pain but it took a while to kick in. So while I’m waiting, begging for the painkillers to have more effect I came to a very peculiar theory.

The theory is about how PD seems to bring me bad luck. You see, the first time I came to PD was when I was a small child. It was so far back I couldn’t even remember the experience. The last experience I do remember coming to PD was during my 2nd year at UTP.

It was the start of a new semester and I was to travel back to Tronoh on a Sunday, as usual. On Saturday, I went out with the boys and chilled at Bangsar. They had an audacious plan to travel to PD the next day and they will depart at 5 am Sunday morning. By the time they arrive, it’ll be sunrise just in time. I said fine but I’m not joining because I had to go back to Tronoh on Sunday so I need a good rest beforehand.

Then the chilling went way into the night and it was 2 in the morning that we call it a night. For the PD gang, they were headed to South City, the official residence of the Uniten boys. This is because that will be their departing point. They’re going to pack a few stuff, hang for a while before getting a move on. For some reason I followed them. I couldn’t remember why. It seemed a good idea at the time. So I went and I think I dozed off there during the hanging out session. Then I woke up just when they were about to leave because it was a ruckus. I received some final hasutan from the boys and the idea seemed incredibly tempting. So in the end, I gave in. I joined the party. I know it was crazy and I was bound to regret my decision later on but what the hell. I hitched on someone else’ ride so I got the chance to sleep throughout the journey.

I didn’t know where we were when I woke up because PD was so unfamiliar to me. We got to some beach and there was no one around but bad news was, it’s raining. We decided to wait it out but it didn’t look like stopping. It was one of those marathon rains where the pouring seemed endless. Eventually some of the boys couldn’t take it anymore and went out into the water even when the rain was still coming down. For them it was fine but for me, I was wearing my only dry clothes. I’m not going back to KL in wet clothes. No to mention the drive back from South City to Gombak. So no, it wasn’t worth it. In the end, I was the one looking after the valuables. Just so you know, I did drive back to Tronoh that very same day. I slept upon arrival. So there, bad luck number 1.

Number 2 was during the internship programme. Zalina had booked the MARA apartment at PD and it was bound to be fun. We picked a good weekend, the apartment was spacious, comfortable. We all stayed in one apartment and so I get to watch the girls running around in their towels so it was good. We had our first taste of banana boating and we had a cozy barbeque by the beach. Everything was super until the last day.

The night before I went for a drive around PD with Valerie, surveying the area. During the drive the warning lights on the dashboard went up and it had me worried. I didn’t know what it meant but obviously something was wrong. But Val was still moving and they were no hiccups all the way back to the apartment. I went to bed praying that whatever’s wrong, I hope it would bear until I reach home. Little did I know that the warning lights indicated that the alternator had gone kaput. And it was draining the life of the battery throughout the night.

Come next morning, when we all had our bags packed and ready to return to the big city, Valerie wouldn’t start. Go figure when the battery is already flat. To make matters worse it was a Sunday. I couldn’t buy a new battery even if I wanted to. So I had no choice but to get a tow truck and take Valerie all the way back to Gombak. It was the ugliest ending to an otherwise perfect weekend. While the rest of the gang went back comfortably, I had to contend with a crampy truck and an obese Indian driver who tried to start a conversation. But since I couldn’t understand a word he was saying (and he was speaking in Malay) I just ignored him. So bad luck number 2.

Number 3, there I was, sitting in a wheelchair and had to wait a considerably longer time because the doctor wanted me to have an X-ray first before seeing me. And the X-ray attendant had to be called from home. I was bored to death.

When the time finally came to take my X-ray, I found out I had to straighten my leg for the imaging. Oh hell, that’s going to hurt. And the platform was death defyingly cold. I cried in pain as I had to stay still in pain for those few seconds when the X-ray machine went ‘karchunk karchunk’. I got off the platform shivering from the pain and cold.

But as I went in to see the doctor, she said there was nothing wrong from what she could see from the X-ray images, ruling out any bone fracture. Well duh. Then she still persisted whether I was involved in any kind of accident, fell over something or anything that had to do with impact. Well, the only impact I had was on how I couldn’t be able to enjoy my holiday trip in PD this time around. Then my mother suggested that maybe I had over exerted myself with those walking around Genting and immediately playing futsal that night. She put it that I had a “sedentary” lifestyle up to that moment and my sudden burst of activities caught my body by surprise. It took me sometime to realize this but in a way it’s a good kind of injury. Meaning that I have been moving about a lot lately. That’s good right? In the end, I got a jab in the butt of painkillers to help me sleep through the night and some more PONSTAN for the next day. As a souvenir I had my right knee bandaged, with the advice of putting some ice on it. The doctor concluded that it just may be as simple as a muscle strain. And do you know how much all the consultation and the X-ray imaging cost? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The beauty of the Malaysian healthcare system. You want to know where the government is spending their money? Well, this is one of them. Don’t take them for granted.

I went back close to midnight and almost everybody had went to bed. I stayed for a while before I too retired into my bed. God, how I love those painkillers. But I still walk like a cripple.

Come morning and the families decided to go down to the beach once again but I had to pass. I would just slow everybody down and dampen the mood. So I just stayed at the bungalow watching Astro. But Astro can be so dull in the morning.

By the time everyone got back they threw another idea. A seafood themed barbeque for lunch before we set home. That sounded awesome so they went out again getting some fish. They returned with some cencarus and prawns. And since I felt much better this time, I get to help with the barbeque-ing. It was a good topping-off for the trip. Everybody enjoyed themselves but I really did want to go to the beach. Oh well. After a good lunch everyone had a nap I think. And we left the bungalow and ended our PD stint a little past 4. I had no excuse but I still dozed off all the way to Gombak. “Sedentary” lifestyle, you see.

Nothing much happened on Friday. On Saturday, however, I was having my haircut at Maju Junction around noon when I received a call from Ubi asking me where the hell I was. It turned he was at Aisha’s sister’s wedding at he wanted to know when I was going to be there. Well, problem was, I wasn’t going to. Because I totally forgot about it. I did receive the invitation but by e-mail and by that, with the instability of the Streamyx connection, I wasn’t able to remind myself of the event. And that was my lame excuse. I didn’t tell Ubi because it was so lame. But I did tell him to tell nothing to Aisha. If she ever found out, I will definitely go down a few notches down her book. Thankfully it was her sister that was getting married. If it was her, then whoa, she would have me hanged like a roast duck.

Later that evening I had to give back Nebu’s RAM which I had borrowed because his sister wanted to use the PC. Just bad luck for me. Nebu’s PC had been sitting idly for months and was collecting dust when I came across it and now, just about a week of enjoying faster loading time while playing FM2006, I had to give it back. Back to old slo’ mo’. Tomok was still on his way back from Johor but I managed to get a few rounds of Winning 11 for myself.

Into the night I was getting ready to watch weekend football when Mawar called me. Ayat pancing baik punya. “Boring tak? Nak nyanyi-nyanyi tak?” It has been ages since I went ‘nyanyi-nyanyi’ but who am I to refuse? I was out the door in 10 minutes.

The Sg Wang area can be quite scary at midnight because there are a lot of dark alleyways. Thank goodness I am a fat 24-year-old man rather than a pretty girl in a tight dress and stilettos.

It was Mawar, Gambit, Cipoi and me. And I learnt something important too that night. You can’t walk around barefooted in the karaoke room because you will get static electricity from the microphones from it. I learnt it the troublesome way. And as I said, it has been a long hiatus for me and it was evident that I was rusty. Even my choices of songs were horrible. There were a few times when I went, “Why did I picked this song?”

It got better soon when after the karaoke-ing when we went to Hartamas to chill. It was no other than Spicy. Damn, it’s a good spot. Watai and Ridhu were already there and we watched Man Utd vs Fulham. Then Gambit and Mawar had to leave. QC. Coming in their place were Menon and his Koleq friends. Waris was among them. So we chilled on and watched Real Madrid take on Espanyol. It wasn’t long after the game that we realized we were talking nonsense because most of us are getting sleepy. Myself included. So we called it a night. And damn it was long drive back to Gombak.

Sunday was staying at home day. Besides, there’s Chelsea vs Liverpool on. The match of the week. And I’m glad to say that Chelsea had won.

My father had to go to Malacca for a meeting on Monday so since my mother was bored, she dragged her two sons to accompany her to watch Memoirs of a Geisha. It wasn’t that bad because I have yet to see it also. The movie itself was quite impressive. Rob Marshall had done a tremendous job translating the book to the big screen. It even made me feel sorry for not reading the book before. The presentation was immaculate. But sadly, not good enough for an Oscar nomination. There was talk about it some time ago but I can’t say I support it anymore. It was good but not that good. To say the least, I’m proud that a Malaysian is gracing one of Hollywood’s major productions. Not withstanding the fact the she’s probably going to get married to one of the most influential people in motorsports and could just order an F430 by the snap of her fingers, I find it worth it to donate RM10 for her efforts in acting.

It’s Friday now, February the 10th, and it took me that long to write this post. Grueling work, I tell you. If am still up for it, I’ll try to talk about Jessica Alba, Richard Quest, Hugh Hefner, Kevin Spacey and the theater. Until then, cheers. I'll try to put some pictures up later on if I can.

Old Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It (The Birthday Post)

I’m 24! Oh yes, it has been 24 years since that fateful evening at Pantai Hospital.

There’s something significant about being 24 years old. It’s one of those huge leaps like from being 19 to 20, and even that was not so long ago. 23 to 24 is rather similar. At 23 you can assert yourself as a young adult. But at 24, you’re just an adult. A ‘junior’ adult as some may argue but nevertheless the transition is perceivably complete. You would allow a 23 year old Michael Owen to make a few mistakes – a scoffed shot here, a bad game there but not the 24 year old version. At 24, a Michael Owen fan would expect him to hit the back of the net every time he gets the ball in the six yard box. Same is in life. At 24, you can no longer escape the responsibilities when committing mistakes in life. You can no longer blame it on ignorance or innocence. That was 23. 24 is when the community perceives you as an equipped adult. You are ready to hunt on your own and build your own nest. Hell, even I used to perceive them that way when I was a young boy. But now… now, even I, myself am a living proof of disapproving that notion. I am very well aware that I am not yet equipped to face the harsh realities of the world on my own. I think most 20-somethings are these days. Many refer us as spoilt brats. I’m not saying they’re wrong. But I am saying they’re jealous. Because we have this safety net called ‘parents’. For some it comes in the form of a trust fund. That would be the answer on why some young people can afford to drive around in BMWs and travel to Tahiti. It’s not the question of whether they deserve it or not. The money was just there to be spent. Most of us bad-mouth these people because we too want to be part of it. But we can’t. Yes, we have to stay content with our Proton with non-working electric windows and the occasional trip down to the littered beaches and murky waters of Port Dickson.

As a closing statement I would like to stay that I would not be having any birthday parties this year. I’m sorry. As much as I want to be flanked by half-naked ladies singing Happy Birthday to me, that box of hopes and dreams have yet to wait a little longer. There’s always next year though. Damn, I’ll be 25 by then. Nope, not gonna be thinking about that right now. For those who have wished me, I thank you. Ity even sang to me on the phone ala Marilyn Monroe to John F. Kennedy. Just that I get the auditory version rather than the live-in-the-flesh one. For the SMSes, yours are a welcome diversion between Emily Rose’s screaming and running. And there’s even kisses. But again, just auditory and digitized. Appreciated still though. For those who have the kind enough heart to even considering presenting me with a birthday present, please, no more stuffed animals. No matter what color, size or function. It’s getting embarrassing for me to keep them. Instead, you could just get me the latest copy (and not rumpled issue) of Esquire, or better still Maxim. Hard time finding those? Then head towards Actor’s Studio Bangsar and get me tickets for Harith’s show. Haha! Wah sekarang bunyi cam demanding pulak kan. Tak malu. Makan char kuey teow je tau.

Before you ask me why the late posting, I would like to point the finger to Streamyx. 1MB connection 24/7 eh? What a bunch of bull. I’ve been experiencing bad connection for the whole week. Just when I decide to give the welcome call, tetiba elok pulak. Cewah pandai betul. Siap kau lenkali.

As a departing note, I had a strange dream last night. I was among the villagers defending the attack of the killer turtles. I don’t know whether it’s one of those bad ideas for a Hollywood movie or an indication of how twisted my mind is.

Cheers. Arriverderci.

What's Happening?

Encore for Baik Punya Cilok! Yes, I know I said I was going to watch it with Tomok the other day but it was sold out. So I only managed to watch it recently. And it was good. For a Malaysian film I was pleasantly surprised. It was like Snatch but a little bit off-paced. For a comedy of that kind, it has to keep the audience guessing to make it work. But those flashback shots accompanied by amusing narration ala dikir barat style was quite ingenious. That Aben guy really has a few tricks up his sleeves.

I would like to give special recognition to The Notebook. I saw it for the second time last night on HBO and I thought, what a beautiful story. Last time I gave such recognition was for La Vita e Bella (Life Is Beautiful – no pun intended!). Notebook is based on a Nicholas Sparks’ novel of the same name so it wasn’t that surprising on how the storyline was elegantly portrayed. Other Nicholas Sparks’ books turned movies are Message in a Bottle and A Walk To Remember. Though I find the movie versions of Bottle to be soggy and Walk lame. But Notebook certainly hit the right note (pun intended).

Other news, I heard on the radio the other day, unsure whether it was Hitz or Fly, and they have this competition going on in accordance with Valentines Day. Now, that is good and cruel at the same time, depending on how you look at it. Good for those absent minded boyfriends because they get an aptly reminder way beforehand and cruel for those single ones because they too get an aptly reminder way beforehand. We’re just midway through January and here we are already talking about Valentines Day. I know who is most happy with this though – the florists. Ooh those bloodthirsty mongrels. Just because it’s Valentines, they would charge bouquets of flowers three-folds at least for the prices. It’s absurd. Well, men are left with really no choice. Pay the price to the florist or “pay” the price to the missus. It’s a lose-lose situation. Oh do you remember that girl that was featured on the cover of The Star a while back because she received 999 roses from of her boyfriend for her birthday? It cost the dude RM3500. His justification? “Money is not a factor as long as she is happy,” What an idiot. RM3500 can get you a nice Hugo Boss suit or even a Tag Heuer watch. While those roses would only last about two weeks the most, the suit and watch could last a good few years. It’s amazing how a few men can be such suckers for the entrapment of the so-called love.

Harith Iskandar will be returning to stage next month for his But That’s Another Story, Again! It’s unclear whether it’ll be a whole new act, a continuation or just an improvement of the first installment. Later news will follow.

I’ve a new perception regarding the burlesque group, The Pussycat Dolls. But yet, I prefer to reserve my judgment for the time being. There’s still a few grey areas that I need further convincing. Till posted.

Cheers. Au revoir.

Faizad's Book Club

There’s a new Mike Gayle book on sale. It’s called Brand New Friend. Okay, it’s not really new because it was published back in September 2005 but it’s still the latest work from Gayle, who shot to fame with My Legendary Girlfriend (his first published book and one of my personal favorites). He’s British so expect a lot of British humor. Here’s a synopsis from the book’s cover:

Finding friends is hard to do...When thirty-two-year-old Rob Brooks's long term girlfriend asks him to leave London and live with her in Manchester not only will it mean moving cities and changing the only job he's ever had, it'll also mean leaving behind his best mate in the entire world, Phil Clarke. Believing in love conquering all Rob takes the plunge and convinced of his ability to make new friends Rob tries his best to sort out the situation. But when six months in he still finds himself without even so much as a regular drinking buddy he begins to realise that sometimes making friends in your thirties can be the hardest thing to do. With this is mind Rob begins a strategy that though risky has the potential to deliver the one thing he wants: a brand new friend. His strategy? Advertising in a classified ad in a Manchester magazine. After three excruciatingly embarrassing "bloke dates" Rob begins to despair. But then his luck changes. He finds himself a brand new friend. But there's a problem. Apart from knowing less than nothing about music trivia, football and supermodels vital statistics Rob's new friend has one huge flaw. She's a girl.

Yes, your new best mate is a girl. It’s every man’s dream and also nightmare. It’s exciting and yet disturbing. It’s the idea that we men are not willing to explore but we do love to linger upon the subject. One of the most subdued and interesting topics of ‘What if?’ in the world of men. So, when a writer like Mike Gayle came up with a whole book detailing all the possibilities, it certainly does pose a fascinating intrigue. So, if you’re a man looking to do something different with your mind in between those testosterone fuelled activities, pick this one up. You’ll enjoy it. And if you have a woman, better still, because she will be impressed. She will see that behind that manly beast, who’s always raving about sex, is a sensitive and sophisticated human being. That should get her into bed rather easily.

State of Fear by Michael Crichton. My favorite author and it’s shameful I have yet to have the chance to read it. What’s more annoying is I don’t know what it is about. All it says on the cover that Crichton will transport the reader from the glaciers of Iceland to the streets of Paris. One thought, however, points out that it has something to do with eugenics. A very terrifying topic indeed. How this issue is twisted in the Crichton way to make it seem plausible in our society today brings about a galvanization of enigma. Whether it will be turned into a full-length motion picture in the near future is still too early to tell. But to be fair, movies as of late based on Crichton’s novels has yet to do justice on his writing and imagination. They made him rich though. But mostly all the films turned out to be sordid ones. Namely Sphere, Congo and Timeline. The few exceptions are Jurassic Park, Disclosure and Rising Sun. Those movies are made with care. The later ones are rushed just to hang on to the excitement upon the release of the book. Just to point out, that’s the wrong way to do it. I have this feeling they would be working on Prey soon. It’s a story about killer nanites. Made and interesting read but I’m not sure it’ll amaze the crowd watching a silver screen. Let’s face it, there’s no roaring T-Rexes chasing you at 40 mph.

So if you’re into sci-fi thrillers which do not involve photon rays and the language of Klingon, then there’s no need to look any further. Pick this one up so you sound clever when you talk about all the latest technological breakthroughs, in par with Mr. Crichton.

The Presentators

If you subscribe to Nickelodeon, watch out for The Presentators. It’s a one-minute computer generated imagery shorts made by Aardman Animations. The same people who brought Wallace and Gromit to fame. The Presentators features three odd-looking clay animated people explaining things like history and why not to push the red button on the desk. There’s Brian (yellow), the annoying one who’s obsessed with things like dinosaurs and why no to push that red button. There’s Dan (red), who always argues with Brian and the most helping Stefan (blue), the one who’s concentrating fully on the presentation. Catch them if you can because they only come out at random between shows and are absolutely hilarious.

Talking Movies

One of the perks of unemployment is that you get to watch the live telecasts of those glamour awards shows from the US, which airs in the morning (Malaysian time) on weekdays. Just now I just finished viewing the 2006 Golden Globes. Before I start commentating about them it is best to give a SPOILER WARNING for those who have yet to watch the recording and want to be surprised when they do.

So, it has to be said my most enjoyable moment was when my man, Hugh Laurie won the best drama series actor for his portrayal of Dr. Gregory House. His acceptance speech was the best of the whole night. Even though I already knew he’s British but it’s still a delight to hear him talk in the accent. That would explain his tremendous wit in the show. Also because he was one of the pioneers in the Blackadder series. Go figure.

The women of Desperate Housewives took 4 out of the 5 nominations for best actress in a comedy series, and yet they were beaten by another portrayal of suburban mom in modern America played by Mary Louis Parker. It was a surprise and for some even shock. As Chris Rock said, the four women, whose lives are about “having affairs, popping pills and murder” was outdone by another suburban mom who was “selling dope”. He was referring to Weeds although I doubt the show will ever reach Malaysian shores. But Desperate did won best comedy series. A bit of reprieve for the women and obviously Marc Cherry.

One of the movies that I haven’t heard of but I would love to see as highlighted during the awards is the musical comedy The Producers. When you put Nathan Lane, Mel Brooks and Will Ferrell in one movie about staging a Broadway-like musical, you’re going to get one hell of a fun movie.

The biggest disappointing result to me, which was also in turn the biggest news of the night was the success of Brokeback Mountain. It won the best drama movie and its director, Ang Lee of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon fame, received the director’s honor. While I’m glad that an Asian director won an award as prestigious as a Golden Globe while beating the likes of Steven Spielberg (Munich) along the way, the recognition for the film itself is somewhat resentful. It tells the story of two rugged Western family men concealing their affair. In other words, it’s about two gay cowboys falling in love with each other. And those cowboys are Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. Ooh fantasy galore but I can’t help but think it’s such a lame storyline. What I would have preferred was Good Night, and Good Luck. A film by George Clooney which tells the intense story of CBS reporter, Ed Murrow going against then controversial Senator Joseph McCarthy who preyed upon the Communism paranoia in the 1950’s. The fact the whole movie was displayed in black and white ala Schindler’s List gave it a sense of authenticity and clairvoyance. Another of my choice would be A History of Violence. It tells the story of one man, played by Viggo Mortensen of Hidalgo and King Aragorn fame, who is a small time diner restaurateur and good old family man. Then suddenly he realizes that he possesses this uncanny ability to carry out effective killing. Soon, strange people are showing up at his doorstep telling him he has another history. A violent one. Kind of like those Bourne trilogy stories.

So, I’m glad for Hugh Laurie but Brokeback Mountain just despairs me. As you know, like they say, a good run in the Golden Globe would provide a strong momentum for the Oscars. Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture? Oh God, it’s Titanic all over again – just worse.

Easing Into 2006 (Sebuah Epik Gilgamesh Edisi Tahun Baru)

I have been sitting in front of this computer for, as it says here – 19 hours and 21 minutes. Now, you may ask, why in the bloody hell would someone do such a thing? Well, I have one word for you – Civilization IV. Okay that’s one word and a Roman numerical but still. It’s a computer game, in case you’re wondering, and it’s absolutely fuckin’ brilliant. Gamespot voted it as the PC game of the year and I can tell you they’re spot on.

Those familiar with the computer games world would recognize this title all woo well. It’s my first time trying this one out and I enjoyed it, immensely. For those of you who don’t, it lets you play as a historical leader leading a civilization from the crummy settlers who set up small villages at the beginning up to the huge metropolitan cities that discovers the Internet and space travel at the end (if you can succed). It’s not exactly a discerning concept but really an absorbing one at it. Look at me, for instance. I played as Caesar, ruling the Roman Empire and my friendly neighbour was Gandhi of India. We were friends at first, trading and stuff. But then I conquered his backyard and finally declared war on him. And not before I lined up hordes of military power just outside his major cities. I even nuked Delhi to top it all off. He was quite bitter after that, I can tell you. What a backstabbing bastard I was. And yet, I relished the victory. And more admirably the deception. I guess the saying is not entirely true, then. Greed can sometimes be rewarding. Anyway, those of you who have an able PC, get this game. You wouldn’t regret it. And get ready for some sleepless nights. I know I have.

Now, to some interesting stories. Last Wednesday, I was at the Shangri-La, KL, and I was amazed because I had forgotten how magnificent that hotel is. It used to be the hip spot but since attention has shifted to KLCC where the Mandarin Orientals and the Renaissances are, people have forgotten about it. Such as me. But of course, Shangri-La is an international chain and it’s impossible that the owners would let it fall in its standards. So it was rather foolish of me to have thought otherwise. However, that’s not my point in telling you about this. Nice décor, I might add.

Something likewise funny happened when I was about to leave the hotel. I parked my car, Valerie, at its parking space and for the first time ever I’ve seen at a well-respected hotel, the mode of payment for the parking ticket is to be made through an autopay station. The kind you’d find at large shopping malls. If that wasn’t enough, there was this stubby middle-aged man in front me, and obviously in a hurry because he swore a few times in respect of the machine’s incooperative-ness. And it didn’t help that he received this huge amount of change that made a sound like he hit a jackpot at a Las Vegas slot machine. When it was my turn, I too was equally surprised by my change. Not because it was a lot or incorrect but it was in two 50 cent coins. Then it occurred to me, since the RM1 coin went obsolete, these autopay machines would have to supply change in 50 cents denominations. I was lucky my change was only RM1. Imagine if it was RM5. It’s not that much but that would mean ten pieces of coins. If you think the ‘ka-ching ka-ching’ sound your trousers make when loaded with RM1 cons made was embarrassing enough, well think again. I imagine this is the same what’s going on at every shopping mall. Goodness, it has to be very annoying. Maybe some of you had realized this a long time ago since the RM1 coin was obsolete December 7th ago and giving me the “Doh!” treatment but excuse me for being an advent user of the LRT.
Back to the New Year theme. For 2006, according to the Chinese zodiac, it’s the year of the Dog. And for those of you born in 1982, it’s us! Aye! So, two full circles already. Remember the last time, 1994? We were twelve. It was kind of daunting. Leaving childhood and entering teenage years. It was a transitional year. For 2006, we are twenty-four and supposedly have deep entered into adulthood. I would like to emphasize on the word ‘supposedly’ rather than ‘adulthood’. Even though I know some of us had already gotten married and making babies but some of us still pretty much the playful kid unwilling to let go. I don’t know about girls but for boys, we still drool over fast red sports cars, fantasizing of having dates with the girls on the cover of FHM and obsessed with PS2.

Speaking of FHM, I was just in time to get my hands on the new 2006 calendar. Aye! But I must say this year’s is a bit disappointing. Some of the girls in it are just so… not right. For instance Mariah Carey. She is so 90s. And Paris Hilton? Urgh. Do you know that Hitz.FM once referred to her as an “heiress turned actress”? Actress? Really? Did they mean the job in House of Wax and that miserable Simple Life series merit her the title of an actress? Please, I’ve seen dogs do better job on Animal Planet. But one highlight of the calendar is Natasha Hudson. Oh yeah. One of the most underrated Malaysian beauties ever. Unlike Amber Chia. The most overrated Cina bukit one. And she’s Miss January. Go figure. Chia, that is.

And speaking of PS2, mine’s broke. Oh yes, heartbreak hotel. I was playing Winning Eleven, of course, when it suddenly refuses to read the disc. It just goes stagnant. Just like a man’s penis when the effects of Viagra have worn off. To fix, or not to fix? It’ll cost money, that’s for sure. Hence the reason I bought Civilization IV. Cheaper maa. 10 Ringgit only for one DVD.

So what’s in store for me in 2006? Well, we have the Raya Haji and Chinese New Year holidays to look forward to in the short term. As for the medium term, I’m very much confident I’ll pass the MICPA exam this second time running. It felt good. I really slugged it out this time. I missed a lot of Sportcentres. And it hurts every time I have to say ‘no’ when someone calls me up for some minum-minum. I was even angry with myself every time I fell asleep because time was too precious to be wasted on sleep. But in the end, it felt worth it. And with that, hopefully KPMG. Whoa! As for long term, I finally want to install a proper stereo into Valerie. That space has been void far too long. Ever since that Linkin Park concert in, when was that? 2003? Man, that’s too long. You’re probably wondering how I’ve managed it all this time. It’s not easy, I give you that. Especially during those long trips back to Tronoh.

I have a threesome date with Tomok and Nebu tonight to see Baik Punye Cilok. The reason I’m willing to see a Malay movie at a cinema is because it’s directed by my man, Afdlin Shauki. Since I missed his Why Are You Still Fat? and Actorlympics plays, this is some kind of retribution. And you can be pretty sure I’ll do this again when Buli Balik comes out and Sumo-lah later on. Man, I love his comedy. Oh by the way, have you seen the grossing charts lately? Narnia is doing better than Kong. How is that possible? Are the public blind? Narnia is so disappointing that’s it’s appalling that some quarters even dared to compare it with Goblet of Fire. Kong, meanwhile, was in a class of its own. You couldn’t tell whether it’s an action movie or whether it’s a love story, comedic or a sad dramatic tale. Now that’s artistic. And the only way you can get blown away with Narnia is if you’re twelve and your version of horror is The Little Red Riding Hood. And the greatest leader of all is a lion? That thing doesn’t even have opposable thumbs, let alone the ability to handle a sword or spear. It‘s got claws and bite, then what? Roar its enemies till death? What a joke.

I think it’s time for me to leave. Good holidays everyone. It’s the first month of the year and we’re already showered with public holidays. Could only happen in Malaysia. Cheers.